Honor your Father and Mother... Wha...?

Recently I watched this online sermon by Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church (Seattle) from his '10 Commandments' series. I had been eagerly awaiting this sermon with a friend of mine to hear his viewpoint on it. If you want to hear it yourself HERE it is.

Although I always enjoy his hour long practical scriptural based sermons and I totally support everything he said however I felt he only dipped his foot in the area of the question of how do you honor your parents when:

- You don't know either both or one of your parents
- You only have "spiritual parents" (a Christian person or couple in your church who mentor you in a parental manner)
- You are a foster child with "guardians/caregivers" not biological parents
- One or more parent has married again (does that step parent get the same or a different kind of honor as the biological parent they're married to?)
- One or more of your parents is not a Christian (is there a different standard?)
- One or more of your parents have displayed abusive behavior (emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual abuse) towards you, your siblings &/or the other parent. And if they are being abusive in their parenting, to what level do you show respect, submission and obedience as a child/adolescent when doing so will only ensure more abuse to occur?

These are really really hard questions that will take me a while to think and pray on and will probably require me to study into the issue.

To me the verse "Honor your Father and Mother" brings me to mind of deep hurts and devastating shame from the past. I have and still have no problem with honoring my Mother. After Jesus and my husband, she is the joy of my life. Even though I have walked through the process of healing, forgiveness and reconciliation, even though Christ bound up and took upon himself my deep wounds I still have scars in my soul from the issues that arose out of not knowing my biological Father while dealing with abuses caused by my Mothers ex husband. 

This man did not abuse me 100% of the time. He did make rules that were not all dishonorable and and maybe in some instances he did act honorably at first. If he was Satan incarnate my mother would have never married him so he must have acted at some point honorably, only thing is I barely remember those instances. If I take away his abusive attitude and look at what he expected of me and my brother at the time I can definitely say that his expectations were high. To say he was strict is an understatement. When my brother joined the army and had to go through a grueling 6 month training period in Waiouru Army base in NZ, he told me after his graduation  that it was an enjoyable walk in the park compared to 10 years of living under our stepfather. And I totally believe him to this day on. This man made the Navy SEALs or French Foreign Legion look like a pleasant excursion at least in our eyes. 

Im not trying to be overly dramatic but that is sincerely how we both felt. And I think neither me or my brother would have absolutely no problem with this military like upbringing if it weren't for the fact that for the majority of the time, our step father did it out of malice, jealousy, fear, cruelty and anger. There was no gentleness, no forgiveness, no grace, no kindness. No love. If there was gentleness it was insincere and manipulated only to meet his needs. He had no servant heart. In his eyes he was under no ones authority, he was the top of the hierarchy. What made it worse was that he insisted on calling himself a "Christian" or as he liked to call it "a God fearing man." No church was ever good enough for him, however if he did meet professing Christians he presented as a very likable, respectable, "spiritual", articulate educated man with a lovely wife and children. He was very intelligent and clever, theres no denying that. He may have spanked us voraciously with a wooden spoon when we were small children, but as we grew intellectually he stopped the spankings before we caught onto the fact of what he had done and tell someone. Instead he graduated onto blackmail, verbal abuse, threatening behaviour and sutble sexual grooming towards me. He built over many years a foundation of terror so that even as intelligent growing adults we would still be emotional slaves to him. 

Meanwhile, as a preteen I was being witnessed to by a wonderful Christian couple who eventually led me by the hand to make a decision about Jesus. All I knew growing up was that God was my "Dad" and accepting Jesus kinda formalised the adoption process. I didn't really understand Jesus, I sort of did but sort of didn't either and wouldn't until I was 20. Anyway, I publically declared myself  a Christian, got baptised and started going to church regularly, got to observe other older mature Christians, read and understood my bible a bit better and grew in relationship with God.

Only thing is, the situation at home got worse. Far far worse. Prior to becoming a Christian myself, my Mum had been slowly, subtly and methodically removed from christian influences by our step father. He started by isolating her from church, then her friends and finally her family (although he never quite managed to get rid of my relatives thank God). He was used to being the sole influencer of our family and me becoming a Christian and opening myself up to godly outside Christians pissed him off big time and kind of tore a bit of that wall down. Thats because he knew the power of mine and my brothers influence, especially mine given the extremely close relationship I had with my mother. So to keep me in check, he used bible verses to keep me under his control - and his favorite verse (you guessed it) was "Honor your Father!!" and the other popular one "Submit to your parents, so that you will live a long and happy life!" 

So what do you do?
You're barely in your teens. You've been systematically put down, harrassed, abused, sexually groomed and terrified over a 10 year period by this person who scares the absolute crap out of you so much he even made you wet your pants in fear (on multiple occasions), he makes you faint and hit your head on the kitchen floor and then blackmails you and your brother to lie to your mother about it. He causes you at night time to scream in silence and dig your nails into your arms. You dream of running out the window, to the nearby playground and hanging yourself on a swing chain just for relief from the anguish. And on a few occasions you have nightmares involving rape, and a metaphorical child being murdered, and upon waking up crying and screaming and he would be there with your mother asking you what you dreamt about and not being able to say anything. What do you do when the bible you view and the God you worship as the biggest authority in your life tells you to honor your parents? To submit to them? WHAT DO YOU DO? 

Submit to them and wait it out right?
No. If you think that, your sadly misinformed and you need some more bible literacy. Unfortunately, I got that answer from a few people when I told them what was going on at home. Not very helpful, considering I was thinking of hanging myself from a swing chain. Not very helpful AT ALL. 
I found an exception clause. Quite a few of them actually. Now, Im not saying this is for everyone. Every unrepentant idiot out there is trying to find an exception clause in the bible for injecting themselves with heroin, coveting at the mall, cheating on their spouse, sleeping with their girlfriend or having an extra curricular porn/mills & boon habit til the cows come home. 

Thankfully and providentially, I had a Christian Therapist at the time who knew all the dirty dark secrets that were going on in my family and everything that was going on. She was brilliant. Firstly, she demanded that I stop thinking about killing myself, and second of all she told me I was not going crazy and that even though I had no physical evidence on my body, I was in fact being horrifically abused and that the judicial law AND Gods law supported me. That gave me hope and for the first time in my life peace of mind

The exception clause is this - Do not submit to evil. Do not honor evil. Do not respect evil. Submit, honor and respect that which is good and healthy. What is good and healthy is a parent who loves and cherishes their child. Abusing a child was and is EVIL. In fact according to the bible its down right satanic. She said, first of all, God is the only God I worship. Not my stepfather. However if he (along with my mother) expects me to maintain good grades, keep my room clean, act civilly, participate in chores, I was to submit to that. I continued doing all the household jobs that he expected me to do (which was no easy thing given the list and expectations) and he also was in the habit of verbally abusing me while I did those tasks but it was now like water off a ducks back. It had no effect. I was strangely no longer afraid of him. Third thing she told me, was that even though I was still in highschool, I had (in her opinion) the maturity and life skills of a grown adult and that legally I could and should leave home with government supports for my safety. She felt that I was getting dangerously close to being physically assaulted by my stepfather (the fact that he regularly stalked me and physically threatened boyfriends was a hint). Just because I had peace of mind and that he no longer was able to blackmail or control me financially didn't negate the risk I was in - in fact it probably made it worse. 

Theres a hierarchy that I often follow that comes from the bible when it comes to submission. the main idea is that God and his Word is always at the top. (If thats not your belief system or worldview bear with me as its mine and important to me)

1. God
2. Government 
3. Church Authorities
4. Father - Mother
5. Child 

If the parent sins in a horrific manner (as in my case), they are not the end of the law. I still submit, but not to them, I go to the next level up. Unfortunately, there are some church authorities that say I should still submit to parent/s even if they are being abusive. That is victim blaming and in my opinion ungodly and unbiblical, and if you ever get that from a church leader I suggest you find another church and Pastor. Technically speaking the church authorities are supposed to deal with the person using church discipline IF they are a Christian as well as call the police (if they broke the law). While my step father was saying he was a christian, any uneducated hillbilly could in fact state with authority - he wasn't. Therefore the next step is government authority - including the police and courts then finally to God.

When I became a Christian I put God on the throne of my heart. He always comes first. He always has supremacy of law because I know his law to be loving and just and because I know and understand that he is my ultimate Father. Capital F.


So
If you have never known your biological Father or Mother, the God of the bible calls you to forgive their absence and if possible do it in person. It doesn't excuse their behaviour or the hurt they caused, but it helps you to be cured of a disease called bitterness that will go on to infect your own children and grandchildren. Neither is forgiveness a guarantee of reconciliation but an option if possible. Forgiveness only requires you. Reconciliation requires both parties. I have forgiven my ex step father but I can never reconcile with him - mainly because he still believes he has done nothing wrong. And while he is unrepentant it would be extremely dangerous to seek him out. I have on the other hand forgiven and reconciled with my biological father whom I am fond of very much but can never have a parental/child relationship with. Thats not me being mean thats just a consequence of never knowing him til adulthood. I am not a child any more. That stage is over.

If you have a biological parent (or two) who had a history of abusing you and still does, get out. Know that you are not parentless. You are deeply loved and cherished, by the biggest and best  and perfect Father. Thats what makes Christianity so unique. No other "religion" has a loving parental aspect to it theyre all about what you HAVE to do to earn love. Being a Chrsitan isn't about what you do its about whats done FOR you. What you do after that, you do because of love. But you still need to work on forgiving your biological parent/s and praying for them in the hope for reconciliation. But if reconciliation cannot occur that is fine. Second of all, in Gods family you have potential for gaining spiritual parents. I feel during my teens God answered and gave me this. I thankfully had multiple wonderful adult men in my life who unknowingly were showing me that there was an alternative to how men should treat their wives and daughters. And that there were strong lovely wise men out there (otherwise I would have forever thought they were all evil) While I don't think they have the right to expect you to submit to them quite like a biological child you should have a strong enough relationship with them that if they have godly healthy advice or convicting to do, you should humbly consider and if so submit to the advice. But don't put them at the same level as God. Theyre imperfect sinners themselves and should be aware of that.

If you are a foster child, submit to the "parents" the government (as an authority on the hierarchy) have given to you unless of course they harm you in anyway, then refer back to the higher authority - your caseworker, school counselor, social worker etc. And use the links at the bottom of this post to support your argument of abuse.

If you are a Christian and your parents aren't, at the very least, salute the uniform and the fact that God did choose them to be the ones to conceive you. This might come as a surprise to some christians but some of the most loving parents Ive personally come across actually weren't practicing christians at all. At the very least be an example and a witness to them of your relationship with Christ if thats possible. You should still strive to care and provide for them in some way. And always strive to be loving and respectful. 

But if they stumble and sin and ask you to submit to their sin or join them in sin or advocate their sin, thats when you pull out the hierarchy card and look at your other options. You lovingly and boldly say no to them. They'll get angry for sure but thats how  most people react to fair boundaries. They'll get over it eventually. Always try to love. You can say no and still love.

PS 
If you've ever wondered about all the different kinds of abuse there are (most often people only think of the obvious physical kinds) then take a look at this link and if you want to know what the cycle of abuse looks like check out this link

Mennonite Fest in Abbotsford

Sorry for this LONG overdue post. Since my last post, not a lot has really gone on in my life other than work work work. Thats about to change and I look forward to this comming Fall/Autumn season.

Anyway, last Friday my church was invited to attend a MCC (Mennonite Central Committee) festival in Abbotsford. First off I probably need to briefly explain my connections with Mennonites and what the MCC is and where on earth is Abbotsford?

First off,  let me start by saying I cannot in full honesty and conviction call myself a Mennonite. My husband happily is. I am a born again Christian first and foremost and I give Christ my first allegiance as does my husband, however I don't really identify with any one Christian denomination as a key player in my own personal history or really that of my family's. There is probably more than one. Being ethnically British Id say the Church of England at some point or another and more recently Pentecostal revivals in New Zealand (on my mothers side anyway). That said, I hugely respect my husbands particular convictions that stem from his Mennonite heritage and I am interested about learning more even though Im a pathetic pacifist and I feel it is my God given duty to enjoy (not abuse!) alcohol.

Anyway let me answer the easiest question first - where is Abbotsford?

Abbotsford is specifically a rural city. It started off as a small town at one point (a lot like Ashburton, New Zealand) then over time the population really just exploded and its become a city in its own right. Its about a 45 minute drive from Coquitlam where I live. The reason the MCC fest was in Abbotsford is because that is where the far majority of BC Mennonites live.
                                                                                                                        Menno Simons

Who are the Mennonites?

"Mennonites trace the origin of their church to the Anabaptist movement in 16th century Europe. They take their name from one of the early denomination leaders, Menno Simons. At the heart of their faith is a belief in the authority of the Bible, following the teachings of Jesus, adult baptism and a commitment to peace and reconciliation. Although many Mennonites in Canada and the U.S. are descendants of European immigrants, a growing number are people of color. More than half the world’s Mennonites live in the southern hemisphere." (Taken from www.mcccanada.com)

My last name is Giesbrecht (its is a common Mennonite name apparently), it is my husbands family name and his family on both sides are descendants of Russian and/or Ukrainian Mennonites. However, even though they are descendants of Russian/Ukrainian Mennonites, they were never ethnically Russian, they're ethnic origins are actually German/Dutch. Pretty confusing eh.

Because of the persecutions against Anabaptist groups particularly the Mennonites and to avoid military conscription (which were contrary to their pacifist beliefs), the Mennonites first moved from the Netherlands and Flanders (Northern Belgium) to the Vistula Delta area (Polish Prussia). Eventually molding their germanic dialects with the local Polish dialect to form their own called Plautdietsch (Low Mennonite German). Eventually in 1786, Frederick William II became King of Prussia and he enforced severe fines on the Mennonites in exchange for continued military exemption. However, prior to this in 1763, Catherine the Great of Russia invited Europeans to come to Russia and settle in sections of land esp in the Volga River area and negotiated a specific non conscription special treatment for the Mennonites. The German Mennonites responded to this in huge numbers. The Mennonite Russian colonies that formed and grew were self governing, self educating (school was compulsory for children, a rare thing at that time for farming communities), completely independent and successful agriculturists (esp with wheat) and they staunchly remained just a tad separatist, marrying only Mennonites preserving their low German language and culture, which is still spoken today amongst some Canadian Mennonites.

Of course, the non conscription special status only lasted until 1880s when Nationalism was becoming rife. And losing status this freaked out the Mennonites who had been successfully avoiding Russification and melding with the rest of Russia. The brother of the Tsar promised the Mennonites a compromise, they would not have to be in combat but they would have to get involved with war in other ways. Some Mennonites agreed to this and stayed, others refused and started planning a en masse immigration to to the large cheap land availability of the prairies in Canada and central north US.

By the time WW1 rolled around, the Mennonites in Russia were socially and economically very advanced and controlled huge agricultural and business estates. They had a reputation for outstanding efficiency and quality and were noted across Russia for their agricultural and organizational abilities. The precedent of non-resistant national service that had been established years before and the Mennonites therefore had a system to handle military service requests at the outbreak of war. During World War I, 5000 Mennonite men served in both forestry and hospital units and transported wounded from the battlefield to Moscow and Ekaterinoslav hospitals. The Mennonite congregations were responsible for funding these forms of alternative service, as well as supporting the men's families during their absence.

Unfortunately, Lenin, Stalin and Communism had taken over the Russian Empire by 1915, devastating Ukrainians and Mennonites alike from having their land, grain and livestock confiscated. Mennonites in particular where horrifically targeted being branded as Kulak's  - wealthy Christian farmers. Essentially an enemy of the new Soviet Empire. Thousands of Mennonites were murdered, robbed, imprisoned and raped during this period, and villages including (and around) Chortitza, Zagradovka and Nikolaipol were damaged and destroyed. Many more lives were lost to typhus, cholera and sexually transmitted diseases, spread by the armies warring throughout the Ukrainian colonies. After this period many Mennonites were dispossessed and ultimately their remaining properties and possessions were nationalized  by the Communist authorities.

In 1920, a famine occurred and Russian and Ukranian Mennonites sent a plea of help to their Mennonite 'brothers and sisters' in North America, who answered by uniting various American and Canadian Mennonite branches to form the Mennonite Central Committee (MCC).
  

The Mennonite Central Committee (www.mcccanada.ca)

Via existing Mennonite Missionary relief workers in Istanbul, Turkey at the time who at great risk to their own lives, entered Ukraine during the Russian Civil War and after one year provided 25,000 people a day with rations over a period of three years beginning in 1922, with a peak of 40,000 servings during August of that year. Fifty Fordson tractor and plow combinations were sent to Mennonite villages to replace horses that had been stolen and confiscated during the war. The cost of this relief effort was $1.2 million. As conditions improved, Mennonites turned their attention from survival to emigration as they saw no future under the communists. The MCC, generated funds to help the Russian and Ukrainian Mennonites emigrate to Canada and join the rest of the Mennonite denominations and start new lives.
"Through the years, MCC has worked to follow the call of Matthew 25:35-36 to reach out to those who are hungry, thirsty, ill or in prison and to welcome strangers. Many Mennonites have experienced war, hunger and refugee flight and long to respond to people facing crises today. 'This donation is given in thanks for help we received many years ago,' writes one woman. 'When I was a child in Russia, I was fed by MCC. When my husband was a prisoner of war after World War II, he received help from MCC. We never forgot.' " (Taken from MCC website). From North America, many groups, fearing state persecution and searching for a way to "live quietly on the land," had left to form groups in Belize, Mexico and Menno Colony of Paraguay beginning in the 1920s.
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This is how my husbands family came to Canada. I am unsure if they were in the first wave or second wave of Russian/Ukrainian Mennonite immigrants but either way thats where theyre from. Both sides of my husbands parents families ended up in Manitoba (a Canadian prairie region) where they were born (except for my father in law who was born and raised in Mexico before moving to Manitoba as a young teenager) My husband and his three siblings were also born in Manitoba. By the 2000s my parents in law moved to Vancouver in British Colombia and my husband followed shortly after before moving to New Zealand briefly (my home country where we were married). We both moved back to Vancouver BC where we attend Eagle Ridge Bible Fellowship - a Mennonite Brethren church.

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MCC Fest

  Now we've come full circle, and back to Abbotsford, last Friday night. The crowds took me completely by surprise. I had no idea how popular this was. One half of the giant Tradex center pretty much consisted of people buying tickets for a dollar each and then spending the tickets for certain different kinds of 'Mennonite' food - perogies, varenyky, roll kuchen (pronounced 'raw-cookin' lol) pluma moos a dried fruit soup and there were some African and South American food stalls (to represent overseas Mennonites) and other nonsense American food like bad pizza and soda lol. I ate an African pastry which was fantastic, no idea what it was though, it looked like a samosa.

The other half of the Tradex warehouse was a flea market and auctions. I have to say the flea market was quite disappointing with a lot of junk I wouldnt even see at a garage sale. HOWEVER, their auctions are amazing!! They were auctioning off two brand new RVs, a yacht, leather furniture and flat screen tvs. The even more astonishing thing I was told about was that MCC every year auction off a loaf of bread, last year this loaf of bread went for 45,000 dollars. Must be special bread ahahaha. What amazes me is the sheer unparalleled generosity and hospitality of every Mennonite Ive met esp at this event. When you ask someone why on earth would someone be silly enough to spend $45,000 on a loaf of bread I hear, "because its going to help another group of people just like we were in Russia." These people never forget hardship and their history, and as a result it makes for a whole population of people compassionate for other persecuted starving people around the world. I couldn't help but be a bit gobsmacked. Its the kind of peacemaking, industrious Christian love I hear about but don't often see on such a large scale as this.

Before you leave my blog out of being sheer bored from my history lesson (as concise as I could make it thankyou very much!), scroll down and check out the beautiful hand made quilts that were up for auction as well. These usually sell between $5,000-10,000 and they take about 2 or so years to make..

- Varenyky with farmers sausage.
Lots of fat!

Wifedom and Submission (modern day swearword)

Lately Ive been contemplating what it means to be a wife.

Aside from my usual cries to Dad about my career related 'when will I finally be an OT' nightmares, my most frequent cry for help is this:

"God, I don't know how to be a wife!!"

And I often times feel pathetic for crying out like that when theres multiple bibles all over the house illustrating some brillaint examples of wives and some truly heinous examples as well as stories of women who do their best, still sin, screw up, anger themselves, their husbands and others, my faveorite of course being the history of Sarah. "The mother of our faith" as the apostle Peter says. REALLY?? You've got to be joking. What about Rahab or Ruth for crying out loud.. Those are exemplary women who showed obvious faith. Where in the bible does it say Sarah was faithful?

• This is a woman, who laughed at God. In case you didnt know, thats not a good idea.

• This is the woman who got so frustrated at Gods timing that she took matters into her own hands and gave her husband a mistress, and when that blew up in her face she then blamed him! Because of a woman taking matters into her own hands instead of waiting on Gods timing there were two heirs instead of one, boys who grew up resenting and hating each other and as a result their descendants have pretty much forever been fighting ever since (Arabs and Jews).
• This woman as a result of this mistake, instead of repented, coveted another woman and started abusing her instead.
• When her husband tried to save his own skin and lied about her being his sister to the Pharaoh, no where does it say "Sarah replied, 'Abe you're acting like an idiot."

"For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. " - 1 Peter 3:5-6

No offence, Peter but why on earth did you use Sarah as an example for biblical submission? All her mistakes were due to fear.

Because of course part of being a christian wife is submission right?

Tonight was a fantastic example. After being tight with our money for a while and stressing out over our budget, I thought I had no right to ask to be taken out on a date (NOT one held at McDonalds), but I couldnt help but long for Steven to just get up and take me somewhere as a treat no matter how cheap. And while I was out in the garden weeding and getting my hands and knees filthy, he quietly plans to take me to a restaurant and movie.
I submit to that!

I think Peter used Sarah as an illustration as christian wife material not because she was the annoyingly perfect housewife from Proverbs 31 but because she was the noisy, argumentative, sarcastic, sinning and fearful wife of a faithful man was also was far from perfect. He chose her because she was imperfect and in need of grace.

That gives me hope.
Yes, Sarah started the Middle East conflict, but its not how you start but how you finish. When Sarah died, the bible says that Abe was distraught and mourned for months. And from Sarah came a lineage of unlikely  women like her -

A blackmailer/extortioner (Tamar)
A prostitute/traitor (Rahab)
A widow from a pagan family with a legacy of incest (Ruth)
An adulteress and co-conspirator of murder (Bathsheba)
A poor, illiterate teenage peasant girl (Mary)

I love how God redeemed these women and gave them the honour of being the mother and maternal descendants of Jesus Christ.

The submission thing. Some women hate the very word. When I put submission + Jesus = I see love.
When I see Husband + Wife(submissive) = I am afraid. And I have every right to be. Women have the right to be fearful of submitting to a husband who they don't trust to have their interests and welfare first. That is why I exhort women who are dating to hold the men they are considering as a husband to a very high standard - Gods standard. If a man properly worships the God of the bible and desires to imitate Jesus Christ, then the number one thing on his list of things to do as a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and human kind. Sacrificially lay his life down for her, lead her, love her, encourage her, convict her, support her, provide for her. If you receive that as a wife then submitting to that kind of husband becomes not so hard as the world thinks.`

Of course thats easier said than done. I only have to look around and see the world isn't perfect like that. Thats why the theology of sin makes so much sense to me. How can we not believe in sin? My husband doesn't always love and lead and encourage and convict perfectly. I don't always submit, love, support, build up as a I should do. Sometimes Steven gets lazy and ambivalent and I get arrogant and controlling. But our love for God never goes away. If we have dry periods, its because of the support and community of our church family that we stick at it. Even if we don't feel like it, the discipline of bible reading and study pushes us on through our tough spots. In painful times its when we reacquaint our knees with the carpet and cry out to God like a child calls for their loving Dad that helps, and He always comes. And in the periods of overflow and joyful faith in our marriage, the prayer and bible study and serving each other and leading and submitting becomes a honorable joy not a burden

So I make it my business to make this equation:

Steven (submitting to Jesus= sacrificing for Melody) + Melody (submitting to Steven) = That can definitely work.

I heard a fantastic sermon on wives and submission by Pastor Mark Driscoll once, he made some excellent points on what is and isnt godly submission in a marriage:

Submission doesn't mean:

• A husband is in ultimate authority.
• A wife does not have independent thoughts. 
• A wife does not seek to influence her husband. 
• A wife must obey her husband’s command to sin. 
• A wife is less intelligent or competent than her husband

Submission does mean:

• A husband and wife are equal with complementary roles like a right and a left hand. 
• Wives are to submit like Jesus did in Gethsemane (Luke 22:42). 
• Husbands are to lovingly lead like Jesus does the Church (Eph. 5:25). 
• A single woman should only marry a man she can follow. 
• Christian marriage should illustrate the Trinity and the gospel.

Help me Dad. Help me to give up my pain and fear to you. Help me to give up my self righteousness, arrogance and firery tongue. Encourage and tell me how to comfort and rebuke while knowing the difference when to do the other. Please open my ears and eyes.
Amen