Theres something thats been on my mind for quite a while and only recently, have I actively decided I wanted to do this:
Write a book.
My logical self screams "Why should I even bother??!!"
My gut tells me its a fantastic idea.
I want to write a book that is part memoir part self help. As a Christian and a survivor of domestic abuse, I feel like I've got a story to tell and an urge to assist those out there who are trapped in abusive relationships and/or marriages. It has also come to my attention how much of a controversial topic this is in the church.
The man who abused my family and myself claimed to be a "God fearing man." He didnt go to church but boy did he use christian doctrine to condone what he did. And everyone outside of my family fell for it especially my own church family. When I bravely asked for my pastor for a place to stay he said no and said he didnt want to cause trouble with the man in question by "butting in on family matters." To this day I am appalled at the lack of support for my family which was all fuelled by fear.
I have a strong feeling that there are others out there who are experiencing this. I also want to aim this book at those who have commited their lives to Christ, but find that they are being persecuted by their spouses for their new choices. I want this book to help people identify abuse especially emotional abuse tactics that most of the time only victims recognise. I want in the book to have resources available to people who want help but dont know hwere to go.
And lastly, I am sick to death of the stigma that is attached to divorced women who want to go to church. People need to wake up to this and bring this discussion upfront. Im am sick of the ignorant and stupid ideas by people who have no experience whatsoever in the matter of abuse who say
"why dont they get out?", "why would any self respecting woman stay with a man like that?" "abuse only happens in poor neighborhoods.." blah blah blah.
Right now, my heart absolutely cries out for that lone beaten woman and for all those children in the past have been abused by family members but where the doctors were too late to save them.
And most of all, my heart cries out to all communities and its members who think "Its not my problem" or "I dont want to cause trouble" or "even though her husband beat her up for over 10 years shes commiting a big sin by divorcing him..."
I feel like this angry passion for this topic is boiling up within myself and I want to explode.
In order for this book to be a decent piece of work, I predict it will take me years to do this. Plus it wouldnt be too bad to have a few years as an occupational therapist under my belt. See the real effects of abuse first hand etc. But, by that stage my memory will be a bit fuzzy, so Im writing my memories of those painful events even now as I write this. I'll do some research in my next holidays though as Im currently quite busy with study.
Is this a crazy dream? Has anyone ever bought up this topic before? (abuse, divorce & church)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Music
Lately, Ive been noticing a change in my habit of listening to music/radio in my bedroom or car.
In the past, Ive set my stereo as an alarm clock so that it automatically turns on at 7am every weekday. It has been playing the same radio station since my first year in highschool (Im now 20 years old). My reasons for keeping it on this particular radio (which shall remain nameless) have been because its Breakfast Show gives me a few good ol laughs and also the fact that I've won 500 dollars off this show and other prizes are why I've kept reasonably loyal to it.
However, since the start of the year and probably due to my lack of having to wake up early for 8am lectures anymore, I've had it off quite a lot of time off. When I do wakeup, Im often too busy (dealing with the freezing Dunedin cold) to listen to it or I wake up after the breakfast show is finished.
Ive also come to the realisation that I really despise music from this decade. Not all of it - but most of it. Ive been spending more and more of my huge free time reading my bible and learning lots. Its a bit lonely sometimes as I live on the other side of town from campus but I have been thoroughly enjoying the benefits. I havent particularly prayed for this out loud or anything but to me it seems as if God has extended my gift of discernment over to music as well. So when Im driving to and from campus I like to have a bit of background noise in my car (as you do sometimes). My car radio is permanently tuned to a station that plays popular pop music with themes like dress up like a chicken to win freebies. One of the things I like about this radio station is that it randomly plays songs from the 80's and 90's. And when a song comes on with lurid lyrics or themes etc its like I get an instant migraine. For example "The Fear" by Lily Allen. I dont know her, I dont know her personality, but seriously where in that brain of hers does she come up with lyrics like that?!
"I want to be rich and I want lots of money. I dont care about clever I dont care about funny. I want loads of clothes and f***loads of diamonds. I heard people die while they are trying to find them. I`ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless. Cos everyone knows thats how you get famous. I`ll look at the sun and I`ll look in the mirror. Im on the right track yeah Im on to a winner.
I dont know whats right and whats real anymore. I dont know how Im meant to feel anymore. When we think it will all become clear, Cos Im being taken over by The Fear. Lifes about film stars and less about mothers. Its all about fast cars and cussing each other. But it doesnt matter cause Im packing plastic, and thats what makes my life so f***ing fantastic..."
You know, lots of people I'm sure will say its all innocent lalala. But I'll tell you what, young kids who dont understand the message of this song will still memorise the lyrics which will be soaked in like a sponge, til it can be used later on (I would know, I can still remember those embarressing Spice Girl lyrics from my girlhood).
The fact is, is that I still turn the radio on in the hopes that they might play a U2 classic or a nice song by the Fugees or something.
I said out loud in the car the other day "The next time I hear that/those stupid song/s Im gonna turn it off for about 3 mins and pray about stuff that Im grateful for."
Tell you what, my little trick is working. Its also helping my to tone my language down, though Im not perfect in that little area.
Adieu
PS
Whatever happened to REAL Rhythm and Blues aye? Not this downgrading too fast trash their playing these days. Man... I sound like my grandfather lol.
In the past, Ive set my stereo as an alarm clock so that it automatically turns on at 7am every weekday. It has been playing the same radio station since my first year in highschool (Im now 20 years old). My reasons for keeping it on this particular radio (which shall remain nameless) have been because its Breakfast Show gives me a few good ol laughs and also the fact that I've won 500 dollars off this show and other prizes are why I've kept reasonably loyal to it.
However, since the start of the year and probably due to my lack of having to wake up early for 8am lectures anymore, I've had it off quite a lot of time off. When I do wakeup, Im often too busy (dealing with the freezing Dunedin cold) to listen to it or I wake up after the breakfast show is finished.
Ive also come to the realisation that I really despise music from this decade. Not all of it - but most of it. Ive been spending more and more of my huge free time reading my bible and learning lots. Its a bit lonely sometimes as I live on the other side of town from campus but I have been thoroughly enjoying the benefits. I havent particularly prayed for this out loud or anything but to me it seems as if God has extended my gift of discernment over to music as well. So when Im driving to and from campus I like to have a bit of background noise in my car (as you do sometimes). My car radio is permanently tuned to a station that plays popular pop music with themes like dress up like a chicken to win freebies. One of the things I like about this radio station is that it randomly plays songs from the 80's and 90's. And when a song comes on with lurid lyrics or themes etc its like I get an instant migraine. For example "The Fear" by Lily Allen. I dont know her, I dont know her personality, but seriously where in that brain of hers does she come up with lyrics like that?!
"I want to be rich and I want lots of money. I dont care about clever I dont care about funny. I want loads of clothes and f***loads of diamonds. I heard people die while they are trying to find them. I`ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless. Cos everyone knows thats how you get famous. I`ll look at the sun and I`ll look in the mirror. Im on the right track yeah Im on to a winner.
I dont know whats right and whats real anymore. I dont know how Im meant to feel anymore. When we think it will all become clear, Cos Im being taken over by The Fear. Lifes about film stars and less about mothers. Its all about fast cars and cussing each other. But it doesnt matter cause Im packing plastic, and thats what makes my life so f***ing fantastic..."
You know, lots of people I'm sure will say its all innocent lalala. But I'll tell you what, young kids who dont understand the message of this song will still memorise the lyrics which will be soaked in like a sponge, til it can be used later on (I would know, I can still remember those embarressing Spice Girl lyrics from my girlhood).
The fact is, is that I still turn the radio on in the hopes that they might play a U2 classic or a nice song by the Fugees or something.
I said out loud in the car the other day "The next time I hear that/those stupid song/s Im gonna turn it off for about 3 mins and pray about stuff that Im grateful for."
Tell you what, my little trick is working. Its also helping my to tone my language down, though Im not perfect in that little area.
Adieu
PS
Whatever happened to REAL Rhythm and Blues aye? Not this downgrading too fast trash their playing these days. Man... I sound like my grandfather lol.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I miss OT *sigh
The sad thing about doing only two papers this year is that I feel Im getting rusty with my passion for Occupational therapy. To think I fought the biggest fight of my life (so far) which had physical, emotional and spiritual repercussions in order to even get provisional entry in the degree course down here in Otago Polytechnic then to be accepted was the greatest accomplishment Ive ever done after the hellhole of 2006. Like the Shawshank Redemption - I had to go through a dark and terrifying tunnel of shit before I could come out clean.
First year in Dunedin was wonderful - no wait, it was the most beautiful liberation ever. Although I moved away from my mother and boyfriend, I had to do it for my own growth. The papers were interesting. Some extraodinarily difficult ie kinesiology paper and a few others but most were facinating and I got good marks.
Second year was another growth period. I started flatting for the first time. Good and bad times came out of that. But it was fast paced at polytech. The third years and lecturers warned us that it was going to be our toughest year. two one month placements in the middle of each semester as well as the workload that comes with doing 7 papers no one person could not handle without at least one emotional breakdown. Quite obviously this happened to me, while becoming a social recluse and doing too many frequent allnighters which resulted in me developing insomnia at night and hysteria during the day. Not a pretty sight...
So many people dropped out that year.
Amazingly I passed all of my papers save for one which I did so bad, the marker told me it was the worst mark she'd ever given in that one paper. Pretty shameful I know, though at the time I was more concerned about my emotional state and I allowed that remark to go over me like water off a ducks back - which incidently was thrown back at me at new years.
The second semester of last year was a mixed bonfire of warmth and hell as well. I was redoing a 1st year reflections paper that I failed only by 2% then later misread the reassessment requirements (the word "doh!" is appropriate here). So all in all I was working full time at a neuro rehab clinic in auckland while doing 8 full time papers. But I organised my time much better this time and by the time I got back to dunedin my refection paper was half way done and I was much more prepared for my practical exams.
Weird thing is is that my grades did not correlate with the work I put in. My 1st paper (or so I thought) was bloody good. After all I'd read the reading material and two qualified OTs helped me with ideas and such. I handed that paper in actually believing it was A- material.
By the time was over and the summer holidays began I started to worry about that paper. I got my marks back from all but that one paper and passed. Weird thing is is that I got all A's for the papers I did only an average amount of study to and got C- for the papers I put my blood sweat and tears into. Weird..
On the day of my birthday dinner with my boyfriend, after recieving no news whatsoever about the paper I had redone, I recieved a very abrupt letter from one of my lecterers stating my expulsion from the degree course because of my second failure in that paper. Later on that evening, my boyfriend was cheated over 500 dollars for a bottle of wine he did not intend to buy and out of grief over the letter and our hard earnt holiday money being forcefully spent on a 12 year old bottle of red - I drank only half a glass of the stuff and later on had a five day hangover as well as food poisoning. My mum rechons that my stress reaction to the letter then drinking a glass of good quality blackmailed wine would definitely have propelled anyone the urge to cry and vomit continuously for five days.
A week after that, I became angry. VERY angry. Being a christian I believed with all my heart from the age of 14 that God had chosen my career as an occupational therapist. I wasnt as intellectually brilliant at OT compared my teachers at highschool choice for me of doing a Masters degree in History (which I still happily study as a hobby), but I was passionate about OT. I love how I've grown professionally over the past two years - I love studying the theory and then going out into practice with real clients and actually seeing the results of my study in others. I have loved the feeling of servitude and going home after work and feeling happy and content and feeling as if I was a part of making the world a better place. Not to mention the more I learnt about the profession of OT the more glad I was that I chose to do it instead of doing History. As my mum told me this year - In this day and age of recession, there is always a need for OTs to be employed and I would never have any trouble finding a job compared to having a Phd in History and not knowing what to do with it after graduation.
I fought tooth and nail to be let back in and after finding out I'd only be allowed to do the two papers I previously failed this year I drove all the way to Moeraki Boulders to cry my eyes out (I was still just a tad angry).
Well now its May '09. And truth be told Im glad to have had the chance to have a break. Im sleeping like Ive never slept before, I have the energy to actually exercise and am actually earning money for my last placements next year so I dont have to add more to my debt. Im socialising more and enjoying church and spiritual growth much more than I ever hoped. And now that the second half of the semester is up and running again, Im looking forward to learning OT again. I miss the bulk learning, but Im also certainly enjoying my flexible timetable and am relishing in it. By February next year I will be refreshed and ready to finish my last year of study. Goodness knows how much Ive put into it.
I love OT !!
First year in Dunedin was wonderful - no wait, it was the most beautiful liberation ever. Although I moved away from my mother and boyfriend, I had to do it for my own growth. The papers were interesting. Some extraodinarily difficult ie kinesiology paper and a few others but most were facinating and I got good marks.
Second year was another growth period. I started flatting for the first time. Good and bad times came out of that. But it was fast paced at polytech. The third years and lecturers warned us that it was going to be our toughest year. two one month placements in the middle of each semester as well as the workload that comes with doing 7 papers no one person could not handle without at least one emotional breakdown. Quite obviously this happened to me, while becoming a social recluse and doing too many frequent allnighters which resulted in me developing insomnia at night and hysteria during the day. Not a pretty sight...
So many people dropped out that year.
Amazingly I passed all of my papers save for one which I did so bad, the marker told me it was the worst mark she'd ever given in that one paper. Pretty shameful I know, though at the time I was more concerned about my emotional state and I allowed that remark to go over me like water off a ducks back - which incidently was thrown back at me at new years.
The second semester of last year was a mixed bonfire of warmth and hell as well. I was redoing a 1st year reflections paper that I failed only by 2% then later misread the reassessment requirements (the word "doh!" is appropriate here). So all in all I was working full time at a neuro rehab clinic in auckland while doing 8 full time papers. But I organised my time much better this time and by the time I got back to dunedin my refection paper was half way done and I was much more prepared for my practical exams.
Weird thing is is that my grades did not correlate with the work I put in. My 1st paper (or so I thought) was bloody good. After all I'd read the reading material and two qualified OTs helped me with ideas and such. I handed that paper in actually believing it was A- material.
By the time was over and the summer holidays began I started to worry about that paper. I got my marks back from all but that one paper and passed. Weird thing is is that I got all A's for the papers I did only an average amount of study to and got C- for the papers I put my blood sweat and tears into. Weird..
On the day of my birthday dinner with my boyfriend, after recieving no news whatsoever about the paper I had redone, I recieved a very abrupt letter from one of my lecterers stating my expulsion from the degree course because of my second failure in that paper. Later on that evening, my boyfriend was cheated over 500 dollars for a bottle of wine he did not intend to buy and out of grief over the letter and our hard earnt holiday money being forcefully spent on a 12 year old bottle of red - I drank only half a glass of the stuff and later on had a five day hangover as well as food poisoning. My mum rechons that my stress reaction to the letter then drinking a glass of good quality blackmailed wine would definitely have propelled anyone the urge to cry and vomit continuously for five days.
A week after that, I became angry. VERY angry. Being a christian I believed with all my heart from the age of 14 that God had chosen my career as an occupational therapist. I wasnt as intellectually brilliant at OT compared my teachers at highschool choice for me of doing a Masters degree in History (which I still happily study as a hobby), but I was passionate about OT. I love how I've grown professionally over the past two years - I love studying the theory and then going out into practice with real clients and actually seeing the results of my study in others. I have loved the feeling of servitude and going home after work and feeling happy and content and feeling as if I was a part of making the world a better place. Not to mention the more I learnt about the profession of OT the more glad I was that I chose to do it instead of doing History. As my mum told me this year - In this day and age of recession, there is always a need for OTs to be employed and I would never have any trouble finding a job compared to having a Phd in History and not knowing what to do with it after graduation.
I fought tooth and nail to be let back in and after finding out I'd only be allowed to do the two papers I previously failed this year I drove all the way to Moeraki Boulders to cry my eyes out (I was still just a tad angry).
Well now its May '09. And truth be told Im glad to have had the chance to have a break. Im sleeping like Ive never slept before, I have the energy to actually exercise and am actually earning money for my last placements next year so I dont have to add more to my debt. Im socialising more and enjoying church and spiritual growth much more than I ever hoped. And now that the second half of the semester is up and running again, Im looking forward to learning OT again. I miss the bulk learning, but Im also certainly enjoying my flexible timetable and am relishing in it. By February next year I will be refreshed and ready to finish my last year of study. Goodness knows how much Ive put into it.
I love OT !!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I havent been in for a while quite frankly - been having a good time on holiday with my family and boyfriend in Christchurch. Man I miss them already.
This month is going to be a busy one for me and Ive made a few "resolution" type goals.
The week before I went away I bumped into an old acqaintance at the mall and the first thing she said was "cripes Melody you've put on weight!!" How embarressing was the fact that she was right? Didnt stop me from being annoyed though - she couldve been a bit nicer about it. So Ive decided to not lose weight but get fit somehow. I rechon going to the gym just to lose weight doesnt work because a. we've all tried doing it and then b. when we reach our goal we stop and later we we put on the weight again we wonder what went wrong. I always think back to my last year at highschool where I went cycling for 2 hours four days a week. Why did I do that - well quite simply it was part of an assignment I had to do for PE. A bit like a training program which I had to write a big paper on at the end about the process and results.
I need to do something like that again. Bit harder outside of highschool though. I cant really be bothered in doing a paper in personal training. Ive got a secret though - Id really love to get into dancing. Dunno what kind. Only problem is money, time and lack of a partner. Mind you after writing that sentence I feel like saying screw those excuses. I'll look around.
The second goal is to give tithing a go. I know I should do it every week but come Sunday I usually dont have a lot of money anyway and/or I never actually carry cash on me. So Ive decided for two months Im going to give exactly 10% of everything I earn to church. I dont doubt that this is going to be hard. but I enjoy poverty most days and Ive just been on a bit of a spending spree while on holiday so I probably could do with some discipline. Im also doing it because I want to see and hear Gods response to what Im doing - souns a bit selfish I know but I just want to try it out. And Ive promised myself to take 10% out every payday and keep it safe til Sunday. Be interesting to see what blessings I may get in return.
My third goal is a bigger dillema to me than losing weight or tithing, and it sounds so stupid. Next year is my third and final year doing OT before I graduate and go out as a therapist. Only thing is - in order to register as an OT you need to have completed a portfolio. And mine is a mess. Ive got an entire year to sort up OT loose ends - and this is one of them. But I have no idea how to start. The majority of my screwups in my portfolio were done in 1st year (two years ago!!) I dont know how to fix up the mistakes I made as I wrote about stuff I no longer remember very well. Plus in 1st year I didnt have the faintest idea as to how to maintain a portfolio. And I feel really stupid about it as everyone else seems to have it sorted. Im ashamed to ask for help because of that and Im scared of asking for help because in my opinion, I dont think I could fare well with showing a lecturer my very messed up portfolio - I can imagine the look on their face - nor to a third year student as I know their all quite busy not to mention the most competitive bunch Ive ever studied with. I know this because when I did ask for help or direction I was bluntly turned down - they all hate sharing ideas unless its an enforced group paper.
Im getting frustrated just thinking about it.
I suppose theres not much to do except pray about it..
*Sigh
OOH Speaking of prayer, I had a big one answered the other day!
Sometimes I go to prayer meetings before church and we usually always pray for things we want at a community or national level and I remember someone praying for the haphazard north dunedin area (as you do) and about making couch burning illegal or something etc etc. I thought this was being prayed for from the wrong direction.
I personally dont see much "evilness" in couch burning as its been going on for decades. I voiced this and said that its not the couch burning thats the problem its the equation of:
alcohol (lets say woodstock and bourbon) + a random lighter + old smelly bacteria filled old couch
Burning said gross couch in the middle of a dunedin winter = fun
however
Those said burners with tummys of woodstock = extreme stupidity and increase in chance of ambulance needed.
The problem here of course is the alcohol. And WHO are the most frequent drinkers in north dunedin? Freshies of course (add a few 2nd years as well).
At this point I say out loud - GOD BLESS GEOFFREY PALMER!!
New Zealands ex prime minister who has convinced quite a few MPs of his new anti drinking ideas. Namely speaking raising the drinking age to 20.
20 years old is good. It cuts outs on 15-17 year olds getting their hands on alcohol from their 18 year old peers.
18-19 year olds however will probably still be able to get their hands on some speights as they'd probably know a 20 year old. But the cops would have the law on their side and those caught with alcohol would be punishable by the adult courts system not the youth court.
I am a christian and I drink. Im not ashamed of it either as Ive been taught by my mother to drink responsibly. So too did Jesus. Funny that.
But if these new law changes go through I think it would do a lot of good in preventing alcohol usage in teenagers. I think a lot of scarfies would agree with me that highschoolers are a pain in the butt to have in bars and with these changes couch burning would go back to the way it used to be - fun with marshmallows and "safer."
I hope this time round with a conservative government in power this might actually go through successfully.
Saiyonara!!
This month is going to be a busy one for me and Ive made a few "resolution" type goals.
The week before I went away I bumped into an old acqaintance at the mall and the first thing she said was "cripes Melody you've put on weight!!" How embarressing was the fact that she was right? Didnt stop me from being annoyed though - she couldve been a bit nicer about it. So Ive decided to not lose weight but get fit somehow. I rechon going to the gym just to lose weight doesnt work because a. we've all tried doing it and then b. when we reach our goal we stop and later we we put on the weight again we wonder what went wrong. I always think back to my last year at highschool where I went cycling for 2 hours four days a week. Why did I do that - well quite simply it was part of an assignment I had to do for PE. A bit like a training program which I had to write a big paper on at the end about the process and results.
I need to do something like that again. Bit harder outside of highschool though. I cant really be bothered in doing a paper in personal training. Ive got a secret though - Id really love to get into dancing. Dunno what kind. Only problem is money, time and lack of a partner. Mind you after writing that sentence I feel like saying screw those excuses. I'll look around.
The second goal is to give tithing a go. I know I should do it every week but come Sunday I usually dont have a lot of money anyway and/or I never actually carry cash on me. So Ive decided for two months Im going to give exactly 10% of everything I earn to church. I dont doubt that this is going to be hard. but I enjoy poverty most days and Ive just been on a bit of a spending spree while on holiday so I probably could do with some discipline. Im also doing it because I want to see and hear Gods response to what Im doing - souns a bit selfish I know but I just want to try it out. And Ive promised myself to take 10% out every payday and keep it safe til Sunday. Be interesting to see what blessings I may get in return.
My third goal is a bigger dillema to me than losing weight or tithing, and it sounds so stupid. Next year is my third and final year doing OT before I graduate and go out as a therapist. Only thing is - in order to register as an OT you need to have completed a portfolio. And mine is a mess. Ive got an entire year to sort up OT loose ends - and this is one of them. But I have no idea how to start. The majority of my screwups in my portfolio were done in 1st year (two years ago!!) I dont know how to fix up the mistakes I made as I wrote about stuff I no longer remember very well. Plus in 1st year I didnt have the faintest idea as to how to maintain a portfolio. And I feel really stupid about it as everyone else seems to have it sorted. Im ashamed to ask for help because of that and Im scared of asking for help because in my opinion, I dont think I could fare well with showing a lecturer my very messed up portfolio - I can imagine the look on their face - nor to a third year student as I know their all quite busy not to mention the most competitive bunch Ive ever studied with. I know this because when I did ask for help or direction I was bluntly turned down - they all hate sharing ideas unless its an enforced group paper.
Im getting frustrated just thinking about it.
I suppose theres not much to do except pray about it..
*Sigh
OOH Speaking of prayer, I had a big one answered the other day!
Sometimes I go to prayer meetings before church and we usually always pray for things we want at a community or national level and I remember someone praying for the haphazard north dunedin area (as you do) and about making couch burning illegal or something etc etc. I thought this was being prayed for from the wrong direction.
I personally dont see much "evilness" in couch burning as its been going on for decades. I voiced this and said that its not the couch burning thats the problem its the equation of:
alcohol (lets say woodstock and bourbon) + a random lighter + old smelly bacteria filled old couch
Burning said gross couch in the middle of a dunedin winter = fun
however
Those said burners with tummys of woodstock = extreme stupidity and increase in chance of ambulance needed.
The problem here of course is the alcohol. And WHO are the most frequent drinkers in north dunedin? Freshies of course (add a few 2nd years as well).
At this point I say out loud - GOD BLESS GEOFFREY PALMER!!
New Zealands ex prime minister who has convinced quite a few MPs of his new anti drinking ideas. Namely speaking raising the drinking age to 20.
20 years old is good. It cuts outs on 15-17 year olds getting their hands on alcohol from their 18 year old peers.
18-19 year olds however will probably still be able to get their hands on some speights as they'd probably know a 20 year old. But the cops would have the law on their side and those caught with alcohol would be punishable by the adult courts system not the youth court.
I am a christian and I drink. Im not ashamed of it either as Ive been taught by my mother to drink responsibly. So too did Jesus. Funny that.
But if these new law changes go through I think it would do a lot of good in preventing alcohol usage in teenagers. I think a lot of scarfies would agree with me that highschoolers are a pain in the butt to have in bars and with these changes couch burning would go back to the way it used to be - fun with marshmallows and "safer."
I hope this time round with a conservative government in power this might actually go through successfully.
Saiyonara!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Shopping: Spiritual Warfare vs A need to keep women sane?
So I got paid quite a bit this week - mainly for doing time and a half over the easter weekend, though because my clocking in and out was a bit munted up last week so I suspect Im not getting all I deserve.
Well, anyway I felt I really needed a new jersey - preferably red as the one I currently have is falling apart at the seams because I wear it all the time. So on payday I went into town and headed into Shanton, which incidently is a fantastic store with trends that are consistently ok to wear. Compared to the horrendous things you see in Supre and Glassons these days. Plus they have sale racks out the back which have a lot of tops and jerseys priced 50% off. I didnt find a jersey but instead I found a really classy top with the empire waist I so dearly love that was marked 60% off. I got it for 15 bucks - what a bargain.
It looks a bit like this but its a black and white pattern made of chiffon:
Next I thought, hell, lets check out Glassons (while ignoring the cheap 80's designs) and see what they have and I found my red jersey! Well its more of a coat, but its made of the same material as a hoodie which it practically is except for the longer length. Its classy but you can also wear it with jeans and normal top underneath as I am right now, plus its really warm to wear. This coat was the other day $60 but when I went in it was sold to me for $40 - SWEET!!
The next thing I did still makes me feel a bit guilty as my boyfriend would call this irresponsible shopping, and he is quite right. But oh lord, when was the last time I had nice presentable clothes that made me look professionally respectable and NOT like a student living under the poverty line. I went into a store that really only attracts rich women over the age of 30. I went into Jaqui. E. Actually let me rephrase, first I stood outside the store for ten minutes staring at this awesomely classy top that was on display:
The one that I was drooling over, wasnt this colour but was more of a peachy white hue and it was displayed on a manequin with a simple black trousers. It looked stunning. Simplicity is what gets my eye - but it was obvious to me that this top was very good quality merino and was undoubtedley going to have an expensive price tag. I can see it now - Cody shaking his head in laughter thinking, oh shes so predictable... Im imagining him rolling his eyes while imagining me going "Oooh! look at that!!" and going off path.
Yeah yeah yeah, I went in. Asked the price. $90 (oucheee). And I ask those five magical words: "Can I try it on?" Heres Cody going "oh god, shes in too deep now!"
You know what my main thought was while trying on this top. Ooh mum is soo going to approve of this top! So much she'll wish she owned it! Theres a sinful thought - right there! God forgive me.
Well, the store owner said it was 20% off and if I applied for a free VIP card Id get a further 20% off. Well, why not? But me trying to be sensible - I still put it on layby as I had a lot of other things to pay for like board food and petrol - which I didnt think off til I left the shop. And altimately I came up a bit short. But dont worry - thats been fixed by the wonderful institution of studylink!
A few of my female friends think I did good - considering I got all these items marked down by a substantial amount. But I still feel slightly guilty as Im used to being in the mindspace that I dont deserve nice new clothes. But I think thats a psychological complex from my childhood and the way I was raised. And also, Ive taught myself that God provides all we need - and I got the very obvious prod that I didnt neccesarily need these things as it would encourage pride of myself and envy from others and would make me want more.
But at the end of the day, I think of the Patriarchs Abraham, Issac and Jacob. Men who were on Canaans millionaire list back in the day. They were so rich (riches given by god of course) that kings feared them. I think the lesson here is that I need to be even MORE mindful of how I spend not when Im poor but when Im "rich". And to remember that money is a frequent traveler (it always comes and goes). When we get a lot of money, we're so tempted to spend it in clothes etc which we believe we deserve for our hard work. Which I honestly believe is fair enough. But the clothes etc should ONLY be seen as a side bonus not as the goal for which the money is earnt.
I hope that doesnt sound to preachy. But Im always amazed at how God provides for me and that he does care about what we like.
Why last year on placement in Auckland I was nagged by my medical superiors to own a pair of nice shoes so clients would respect me more as a professional and not an inexperienced scarfie. They had a point, but I told them I couldnt afford any and that was that. Not that they didnt stop nagging me. I told my host mum about it and she said why dont you ask your Dad (she means God) for a pair. I thought that response was really rediculous, I mean to me poverty builds character and if old folks didnt respect me because of my appearance then I was quite happy to prove them wrong in my experience as an under graduate therapist.
But lo and behold, someone from church found out my predicament and handed me a new pair of shoes that they bought but then couldnt wear for some reason. Later that same day I went into Hannahs with my host family and the manager pulls out a pair of beautiful winter boots that fitted me perfectly (considering Ive got slightly mismatched feet) and cost the exact amount of money that I had spare in my wallet.
Coincidence? I think not!!
Alright I'm going to head off now, adios and God Bless!
Well, anyway I felt I really needed a new jersey - preferably red as the one I currently have is falling apart at the seams because I wear it all the time. So on payday I went into town and headed into Shanton, which incidently is a fantastic store with trends that are consistently ok to wear. Compared to the horrendous things you see in Supre and Glassons these days. Plus they have sale racks out the back which have a lot of tops and jerseys priced 50% off. I didnt find a jersey but instead I found a really classy top with the empire waist I so dearly love that was marked 60% off. I got it for 15 bucks - what a bargain.
It looks a bit like this but its a black and white pattern made of chiffon:
Next I thought, hell, lets check out Glassons (while ignoring the cheap 80's designs) and see what they have and I found my red jersey! Well its more of a coat, but its made of the same material as a hoodie which it practically is except for the longer length. Its classy but you can also wear it with jeans and normal top underneath as I am right now, plus its really warm to wear. This coat was the other day $60 but when I went in it was sold to me for $40 - SWEET!!
The next thing I did still makes me feel a bit guilty as my boyfriend would call this irresponsible shopping, and he is quite right. But oh lord, when was the last time I had nice presentable clothes that made me look professionally respectable and NOT like a student living under the poverty line. I went into a store that really only attracts rich women over the age of 30. I went into Jaqui. E. Actually let me rephrase, first I stood outside the store for ten minutes staring at this awesomely classy top that was on display:
The one that I was drooling over, wasnt this colour but was more of a peachy white hue and it was displayed on a manequin with a simple black trousers. It looked stunning. Simplicity is what gets my eye - but it was obvious to me that this top was very good quality merino and was undoubtedley going to have an expensive price tag. I can see it now - Cody shaking his head in laughter thinking, oh shes so predictable... Im imagining him rolling his eyes while imagining me going "Oooh! look at that!!" and going off path.
Yeah yeah yeah, I went in. Asked the price. $90 (oucheee). And I ask those five magical words: "Can I try it on?" Heres Cody going "oh god, shes in too deep now!"
You know what my main thought was while trying on this top. Ooh mum is soo going to approve of this top! So much she'll wish she owned it! Theres a sinful thought - right there! God forgive me.
Well, the store owner said it was 20% off and if I applied for a free VIP card Id get a further 20% off. Well, why not? But me trying to be sensible - I still put it on layby as I had a lot of other things to pay for like board food and petrol - which I didnt think off til I left the shop. And altimately I came up a bit short. But dont worry - thats been fixed by the wonderful institution of studylink!
A few of my female friends think I did good - considering I got all these items marked down by a substantial amount. But I still feel slightly guilty as Im used to being in the mindspace that I dont deserve nice new clothes. But I think thats a psychological complex from my childhood and the way I was raised. And also, Ive taught myself that God provides all we need - and I got the very obvious prod that I didnt neccesarily need these things as it would encourage pride of myself and envy from others and would make me want more.
But at the end of the day, I think of the Patriarchs Abraham, Issac and Jacob. Men who were on Canaans millionaire list back in the day. They were so rich (riches given by god of course) that kings feared them. I think the lesson here is that I need to be even MORE mindful of how I spend not when Im poor but when Im "rich". And to remember that money is a frequent traveler (it always comes and goes). When we get a lot of money, we're so tempted to spend it in clothes etc which we believe we deserve for our hard work. Which I honestly believe is fair enough. But the clothes etc should ONLY be seen as a side bonus not as the goal for which the money is earnt.
I hope that doesnt sound to preachy. But Im always amazed at how God provides for me and that he does care about what we like.
Why last year on placement in Auckland I was nagged by my medical superiors to own a pair of nice shoes so clients would respect me more as a professional and not an inexperienced scarfie. They had a point, but I told them I couldnt afford any and that was that. Not that they didnt stop nagging me. I told my host mum about it and she said why dont you ask your Dad (she means God) for a pair. I thought that response was really rediculous, I mean to me poverty builds character and if old folks didnt respect me because of my appearance then I was quite happy to prove them wrong in my experience as an under graduate therapist.
But lo and behold, someone from church found out my predicament and handed me a new pair of shoes that they bought but then couldnt wear for some reason. Later that same day I went into Hannahs with my host family and the manager pulls out a pair of beautiful winter boots that fitted me perfectly (considering Ive got slightly mismatched feet) and cost the exact amount of money that I had spare in my wallet.
Coincidence? I think not!!
Alright I'm going to head off now, adios and God Bless!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Awesome article
Hey all you silent readers!
Read this awesome article of two nice guys from the States and what their doing.
WARNING - Potential warm fuzzies ahead!
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-compliment-guys-13-mar13,0,6849324.story
Read this awesome article of two nice guys from the States and what their doing.
WARNING - Potential warm fuzzies ahead!
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-compliment-guys-13-mar13,0,6849324.story
Camp, God Gifts & Co.
So I went to 'Launch Camp' last weekend. It was the most awesome camp I'd ever been to personally, and I grew a lot and had a lot of fun as well. Ever since I've come home (to Dunedin), I've had so many questions and answers in my head. My questions were based on a revelation I had over myself about my abilities (helped by others too), and then understanding the reason for my 'talkativeness' through life. And with the answers I was like, ok now how do I use them in my life and church? The minute I figured out I'd recieved spiritual speaking gifts my mind went "whoosh..." of all the evidence I had over the course of my life to back them up. Which I cant be bothered typing out but if you want to know ask me in person. At camp when we were in prayer time I was filled with the holy spirit and I was told - yep, you're gonna be using your talking for ministry. At the time (being all confident in Gods plan) I said - great! when do I start? ...... This year.
Well, now Im back in Dunners, back to work etc. Im reading my bible like crazy and praying like mad but I'm now going through this phase I'll call "Having a Moses moment." Where Im starting to think WHAT??!! I don't think Im the right person to be involved with ministry. Im not the most moral christian in the world - why this morning I accidently let out a R13 curse word at the lady who ignored my indicating and stole my car park at a busy campus. Last night, I laughed my head off at a highly innappropriate song by Flight of the Concords regarding men and bumholes. And last night during a prayer meeting, someone was praying for a ban on couch burning and I whispered out aloud, "whats wrong with safe couch burning? Its almost a fun neccessity in winter. More like increasing the drinking age back to 21." Some people laughed, though Im sure the under 21 year olds didnt appreciate that.
See what I mean? But immediately I got a retort back from God saying ha! Look at Jonah, Moses and Rahab. And Im like alright ALRIGHT! No ones perfect. And I seriously am trying to be a good daughter. Ive been pretty good this week in relation to trusting him with money and food - being broke and all. Eating soup and frozen veges 3 times a day for a week was interesting...
Another answer I got at camp was mentoring. Mainly for me, though Im prepared to mentor if God puts the right person in front of me. I really want to meet some old folks from church but the thing with groups at church is that they're all very segregated. A pain in the butt really, but theres a ladys night out thingee being run by church at Nanking Palace in a few weeks and I thought great opportunity! I dont have the money but thats ok - Can you help me find 21 bucks Dad? Cheers) But last night practically everyone at life group said they wouldnt go - whining about the 21$ cost and how they wanted something cool like 4wdriving instead like what the boys had. Now hearing stuff like that gets me into a verbal rampage especially when they all verbally agreed that getting a mentor would be cool. HELLO??!! Ladys night out - awesomely older people to meet - eating awesome chinese food at (what Ive heard to be) at a nice restaurant??!! Why cant people draw the dots together for crying out loud?
I may be a sinner. But I say sorry, and I think that entitles me to use my god gifts of speaking encouragement to those who are using terrible negative excuses against Gods way of giving to our needs of serving one another in a fun environment. Some people dont know a good thing in front of them even if it dances naked in a tea cozy in front of them. (No, thankYOU JK Rowling for that wee gem)
Im seriously considering giving a 30second lecture about it, this comming Sunday service and Im scared off my tosh.
These are my two God gifts Im 95% sure Ive got. (Still need to work on interpreting tongues). If you want to look up yours the website is below. And for more info on how to use them I really recommend you read 1 Corinthians in your bible.
People with this gift:
- come to the side of those who are discouraged to reassure them and give them hope
- emphasize God's promises and confidence in his will.
Romans 12:6-8
Titus 1:9
Acts 11:23-24
Acts 14:21-22
1 Thessalonians 2:11-12
1 Thessalonians 5:9-11
Tongues (interpreting) - The special ability God gives to some translate the message of one who speaks in tongues.
If tongues is spoken without an interpretation, the speaker is edified. If tongues is interpreted, it is for the edification of the church body.
People with this gift:
- may receive a spontaneous message from God which is made known to His body through the gift of interpretation
- may interpret a message from the Holy Spirit through someone else speaking in tongues
- communicate a message given by God for the church (if there is someone to interpret)
- speak in a language they have never learned and do not understand
- worship the Lord with unknown words too deep for the mind to comprehend
- experience an intimacy with God which inspires them to serve and edify others
- speak in tongues as a private prayer language
- when used in a group setting, an interpretation must take place, or else the one speaking tongues should remain silent.
1 Corinthians 12:7-11
1 Corinthians 12:28-31
1 Corinthians 14:1-40
Acts 2:1-12
Acts 10:44-46
Acts 19:1-7
Mark 16:17
Romans 8:26-27
1 Corinthians 13:1
(courtesy of www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/refer.htm#Encouragement)
Well, now Im back in Dunners, back to work etc. Im reading my bible like crazy and praying like mad but I'm now going through this phase I'll call "Having a Moses moment." Where Im starting to think WHAT??!! I don't think Im the right person to be involved with ministry. Im not the most moral christian in the world - why this morning I accidently let out a R13 curse word at the lady who ignored my indicating and stole my car park at a busy campus. Last night, I laughed my head off at a highly innappropriate song by Flight of the Concords regarding men and bumholes. And last night during a prayer meeting, someone was praying for a ban on couch burning and I whispered out aloud, "whats wrong with safe couch burning? Its almost a fun neccessity in winter. More like increasing the drinking age back to 21." Some people laughed, though Im sure the under 21 year olds didnt appreciate that.
See what I mean? But immediately I got a retort back from God saying ha! Look at Jonah, Moses and Rahab. And Im like alright ALRIGHT! No ones perfect. And I seriously am trying to be a good daughter. Ive been pretty good this week in relation to trusting him with money and food - being broke and all. Eating soup and frozen veges 3 times a day for a week was interesting...
Another answer I got at camp was mentoring. Mainly for me, though Im prepared to mentor if God puts the right person in front of me. I really want to meet some old folks from church but the thing with groups at church is that they're all very segregated. A pain in the butt really, but theres a ladys night out thingee being run by church at Nanking Palace in a few weeks and I thought great opportunity! I dont have the money but thats ok - Can you help me find 21 bucks Dad? Cheers) But last night practically everyone at life group said they wouldnt go - whining about the 21$ cost and how they wanted something cool like 4wdriving instead like what the boys had. Now hearing stuff like that gets me into a verbal rampage especially when they all verbally agreed that getting a mentor would be cool. HELLO??!! Ladys night out - awesomely older people to meet - eating awesome chinese food at (what Ive heard to be) at a nice restaurant??!! Why cant people draw the dots together for crying out loud?
I may be a sinner. But I say sorry, and I think that entitles me to use my god gifts of speaking encouragement to those who are using terrible negative excuses against Gods way of giving to our needs of serving one another in a fun environment. Some people dont know a good thing in front of them even if it dances naked in a tea cozy in front of them. (No, thankYOU JK Rowling for that wee gem)
Im seriously considering giving a 30second lecture about it, this comming Sunday service and Im scared off my tosh.
These are my two God gifts Im 95% sure Ive got. (Still need to work on interpreting tongues). If you want to look up yours the website is below. And for more info on how to use them I really recommend you read 1 Corinthians in your bible.
Encouragement
Encouragement (Speaking Gift) - The special ability God gives some to offer comfort, words of encouragement, hope, and reassurance to discouraged, weak, or troubled Christians in such a way that they are consoled.People with this gift:
- come to the side of those who are discouraged to reassure them and give them hope
- emphasize God's promises and confidence in his will.
Romans 12:6-8
Titus 1:9
Acts 11:23-24
Acts 14:21-22
1 Thessalonians 2:11-12
1 Thessalonians 5:9-11
Tongues (speaking & interpreting)
Tongues (speaking) - The special ability God gives to some to speak prayer or praise in a language they have never learned or to communicate a message from God to His people. The special ability God gives to some to speak in a language not previously learned so unbelievers can hear God's message in their own language.Tongues (interpreting) - The special ability God gives to some translate the message of one who speaks in tongues.
If tongues is spoken without an interpretation, the speaker is edified. If tongues is interpreted, it is for the edification of the church body.
People with this gift:
- may receive a spontaneous message from God which is made known to His body through the gift of interpretation
- may interpret a message from the Holy Spirit through someone else speaking in tongues
- communicate a message given by God for the church (if there is someone to interpret)
- speak in a language they have never learned and do not understand
- worship the Lord with unknown words too deep for the mind to comprehend
- experience an intimacy with God which inspires them to serve and edify others
- speak in tongues as a private prayer language
- when used in a group setting, an interpretation must take place, or else the one speaking tongues should remain silent.
1 Corinthians 12:7-11
1 Corinthians 12:28-31
1 Corinthians 14:1-40
Acts 2:1-12
Acts 10:44-46
Acts 19:1-7
Mark 16:17
Romans 8:26-27
1 Corinthians 13:1
(courtesy of www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/refer.htm#Encouragement)
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