Saturday, December 5, 2009

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Nicest wee note Ive ever recieved :D

How do I like you. . .let me count the ways. . .

Your straight forward honesty,
Your witty sense of humour,
Your wonderful analogies hehe,
Your beautiful smile,
Your kind and caring spirit,
Your love for God,
You wonderful thick flowing hair,
Your sweet words and acts.

Only time will add more later ;) hehe

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I love you - so I lift my voice

My name Melody literally means 'beautiful sound/song'.
So how does a christian woman like myself who has limited vocal range think of this?
In the past Ive been really self conscious about it. I raised myself in an Anglican church where singing was done from hymn books and I spent a lot of the time lipping everything for fear of croaking and being heard.
Then I moved to Dunedin and joined an apostolic church where every one from very young children to sixty year olds sing and dance like theres some kind of heavenly mosh pit going on.

When I listen to my favorite secular music I try to sing it - I consider myself below average in talent.
But when Im in church, and Im filled with the Holy Spirit its like my opinion of my singing abilities are increased becasue I genuinely believe Im quite decent. And I think I am made decent because my singing is for me an act of love as well as one of obedience and submission.

My love for God through singing is truly a beautiful sound to him.

Of course it helps to know the music and words lol

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Matthew 7: Part 2

Right so Im going look at verse 6

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do they will trample them under their feet - and then turn and tear you to pieces."

Dont have a clue what this means (must be my bedtime lol, my head aint working). As a humans we like to insult each other by calling each other dogs and pigs, but Im not sure if Jesus meant it as a human metaphor.. He wanted us to be loving no matter what right? Turn the other cheek ? Here is the same verse interpreted:

"Do not persist in offering what is important or sacred to those who have no appreciation for it, because your gift will not only be contaminated and be despised but your generous efforts could also be rebuffed and perhaps be openly attacked." -

OMG! So he actually was referring to humans as pigs and dogs! Well I never..
I do get why he said that. Sometimes I meet people who are so snarky about my being a christian and they want me to talk about why Im a christian yet I know theyre only asking me so they can have an opportunity to criticise something about Christianity and I can tell that theyre even not remotely interested or open minded about it and I end up feel like theyre encouraging me to walk down a closed dark alleyway. I usually walk away from those situations not even bothering.

BUT in saying that, how am I to know I wont have an affect on them? People arent going to change their minds over God stuff because of one conversation. It would probably take many more conversations. And also, I think many Christians might actually abuse this scripture. Maybe Ive done it myself - but when have you ever come across someone and you didnt bother sharing the love of God just because of maybe their job, their current lifestyle, their being of a different religion maybe?

Its a hard thing and it reminds me of a memory I have of the church I went to before I joined Southlife (Dunedin). I was going to Dunedin City Baptist Church (DCBC) at the time, and one night after youth group, the leader asked us to go out and pray over the buildings at the university. I thought to myself - meh why not? One person in my group then went a bit further and actually went up to every muslim they saw and demanded to pray for them. Because Dunedin is renowned for its medical school it should then not be surprising that getting a doctorate here would be popular with overseas students - and trust me theres a LOT of them. Largely asian and indian, the majority of them being muslim. But when this person actually started harrassing them I actually wanted to go up to them and grab them by their shirt and tell them to shut up and leave the poor guy alone. Seeing this kind of thing occur puts me off and actually scares me of evangelising to be honest.

I've always felt that theres a time and a place for that kind of thing (not harrassment lol but non bible bashing). I know for a fact that if its late in the evening, during an exam time, and a woman wearing a headscarf comes towards you with a "omg Im so knackerd and starving" look on their face - this would be NOT be a great time to say "Jesus loves you!" And then they go "F off!" Thats just silly! And it makes us think "man, so unappreciative.. ahh well soldier on aye?"
Better to just bide your time. As Jesus said, some discernment is needed - "I send you out as sheep amoungst wolves, therefore be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves." (Matt 10:16)

You know when you pray to God and you know your gonna get three answers - No, Yes or Not yet. In terms of evangelising has anyone actually considered the 'not yet' option? God has plans for everyone regardless of the fact that they're saved or not. Who are we to tell whether or not its their time and we're the ones deciding?

I feel like I want to say more but my head is a bit bleh right now... Must go to bed - Nite all

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Matthew 7: Part 1

I dont usually talk here about bible study that Im currently doing but my pastor has recently been doing a series of sermons based on Jesus' 'Sermon on the Mount', and this morning he talked so well I got really into it. The thing is, its so full of topics and questions that theres no way I could do a blog on the entire chapter in one night. So I thought I'd just look at chapter 7 bit by bit

Verse 1-5
This funnily enough is scripture I quote a lot to people who annoy me. I dont use the exact same language mindyou, but I say it in away that I know they'll understand. Its such a basic piece of advice thats so handy and affects so many people. V2 and V5 stick out for me and it simply talks of humilty, self evaluation, and that selfish need for humans to put each other down in order to feel important and righteous.

V2 "For others will treat you as you treat them, whatever measure you use in judging others, will be used to measure how you are judged."

Boy that scares me when I read that. I know that if time today was like that of before Jesus' time, I know I could be stoned multiple times over for that piece of sin. The good thing I feel about this is that with my study especially, it has forced me to change attitudes and beliefs that I held as a result of my painful upbringing. For a long while I felt I had a right to be able to stand in a crowded room, and judge the man who had hurt me for 10 years in my own personal way. Eye for an eye you know? But when I started my first year of occupational therapy in '07 the biggest thing I had to work on in my placements was acknowledging someones negative actions and attitudes and beliefs as irrelevant in building rapport with a client. For example, I once had a patient who had had a hip replacement at the young age of 36. Lovely guy, easy to talk to. But the nurses soon discovered that he was a marijuana dealer who enjoyed quite a bit of it himself. Me personally I think smoking or doing illegal drugs of any kind is stupidity in the highest form. Everyone who works in education or health knows that smoking the the leading preventable cause of death in the world. At the time, I was also having trouble after discovering my boyfriend at the time had not been honest to me about his own smoking. I absolutely hated it. But in considering this, this patient of mine really made me sit down and think for a bit. I thought, I dont know this mans life, I dont know how he got into it. And quite frankly its not my job as an occupational therapist to even inquire about his smoking (maybe his GP) and most importantly, it would be completely unprofessional of me to make his private use of his leisure time a factor in our therapy sessions. I had no right to judge him. Turns out the next day, once the nurses found out he was a drug dealer he got treated like shit. The nurses ranted about his "disgusting habit and occupation " in the staff room and I was aware that he was now being given third rate care by the orderlies in showering and toileting him. This actually upset me and because of their behaviour I actually built an even better working relationship with this guy than before.
I dont know what happened to that guy. But I know he left the ward knowing he could trust an 18year old female OT student to give him the care anyone else deserved. It doesnt mean I now think smoking is awesome. I still hate it. But Ive been teaching myself to hate the habit not the person. At the end of the day, even though Im not a medical student, I think of that oath they take which was first written by that ancient greek physician guy Hippocrates (I think it was him) - "Above all else do no harm."
Whether it be a straight laced honest working lawyer or a serial rapist who was sadistically abused as a kid, it is my duty to care not judge.
I do believe in the system of juries and courts but at the end of the day the only person who has the right to judge is God.
I forget this so often.

V5 "You hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see good enough to deal with the speck in your neighbors eye."

I hear God saying this to me so often. Mindyou, usually he says in in a more gentle manner as if hes nudging me in the back saying "Oi, Melody thats not on.." And I've learnt that if I ignore that first loving piece of constructive criticism by God, it will eventually turn into painful but humbling discipline that I know I deserved.
As Paster Paul at my church was saying, in order for this to be effectively occuring, we need to be consistently self evaluating ourselves. And honestly too. Cos if we give ourselves a sappy evaluation it just shows that we dont want to acknowledge that our attitude is wrong and that we're too lazy to fix it. OTs, psychologists and counsellors all know that the first step to positive change in behaviour is self acknowledgement of of how we stuffed up and asking for help. And this piece of group therapy logic comes straight from the awesomest counsellor ever - Jesus, in Matt 5:3-12. "Blessed are the meek, blessed are those who mourn, blessed are those who are poor in spirit.." WHY are they blessed? Cos they know it and their being honest that they're hurting! And they want it to change by asking God for help. And that process of honesty is the pulling the log out of their eye. Therefore they are now blessed cos their eye doesnt hurt from all the wood particles. lol

Friday, October 2, 2009

New Post in a while..

I thought I'd better start putting some stuff in here after a long break - Or maybe Im just procrastinating...

Theres two things that have been on my mind of late. One of them is singlehood and the other is loving unlovable people.
I'll talk about the latter first.

One thing that I've felt I've got an assignment from God recently is trying to love people I dont want to love. It started off with going to a life group at the start of the year. For quite some time Ive been really anti about hanging out with my own sex (how can anyone be sexist about their own sex?). Im still trying to figure out why I prefer having male friends to female ones, but now, Im finally comming to terms with my need for female company. Its been hard.. oh so hard.. And I found life group a place where I had to reteach myself no to be so bitter and judgemental. It was the worse kind too, you know the kind where you think you're absolutely right and everyone else is wrong... Not a good place to be. Sometimes, I get selfish and believe that I have a right to be angry about the past and the way I was treated and how no one supported me through it. Then I get what I call a 'God nudge' where he just pokes me in the back and goes: No no Melody thats not true..
But anyway Im going off track. Loving unlovable people. In particular Im thinking of this girl at work. She really does drive me nuts. Funnily enough, I actually went to Intermediate School with her back in Christchurch. I hardly knew her back then cos we were in different classes but I knew enough to know that no one liked her and no one hung out with her. Now Im working with her, and its the same thing all over again except Im comming to understand and share the general feelings of discord as well. Ive been given a big telling off about this from upstairs so Ive started to try and understand why shes the way she is. And what Im doing thats potentially setting her off.
First and foremost, I am not one who gossips at work (cos most people at my work are highschoolers and what they argue about is not worth my time to worry over). But what Ive been doing so far is changing my tone of voice when I talk to her. A lot of the time I find myself exaserbated by the way she speaks to customers. She is not afraid to swear at people in drive through and I think she has appalling manner to those who are disabled. I also find it hard to get along with people who generally dont care and dont make extra effort to making people feel welcome etc. And her work ethic really gets me there. The final straw I had with her the other day was she came into the staff room having barely put out her cigarette and then commenced blowing the rest of the smoke on to my face. Usually I would think of this habit with pure disgust but the fact that I had been having breathing difficulty due to my asthma that I get every time I have a cold, and that I knew, no amount of medical explanation would convice her not do it or even to apologise. And if you know me, then you know that smoking absolutely drives me up the wall.
I dont know her life. I dont know why she smokes. I dont know why she seems to enjoy being indifferent and sullen towards me, I suppose I encourage it in a way. But heres what Im trying to do. I find people like you a lot more if you just use manners. And saying please and thankyou to someone who I know whill never return the favour is hard to stomach but I've been doing it lately, and surprise surprise shes stopped being so annoying. Another thing Ive started doing is just praying for both of us to understand each others way or working. As much as I'd love to be accomodating towards people who annoy me, I dont want to give them the wrong impression that I'll let them walk over me. So I asked God to just help her to see it my way as well. I hope thats not selfish. It will be interesting to see how this goes over time.

Right second topic was singlehood.
Even though Im interested in someone (and vice versa), I think its still appropriate to say Im single. Mindyou if things go well, then I suppose, I'll change that status in a couple of months time. Ive talked to my mum about this, and Im wondering if people will find it insulting that so soon after my breakup that I met and liked someone new. Will they think its a rebound thing? Or will people just think, oh cool good for her then.
I constantly review in my head how the past few months have been for me. When I told my friends I had broken up with my boyfriend I was called an ungrateful idiot by quite a few. But personally, I know I've done the right thing. It was like a major revelation for me. There was love, no doubt about that. Lots and lots of it. But none of it ever got upstairs to the one who deserved it the most. And I think it got to a point where I was trying to fill that void with things that would have been a disaster had they happen.
Letting go was incrediably hard and was the ultimate show of obedience to God on my part. And in a way, I feel a bit like Job who after losing absolutely everything (including his family and health) he still praised God. And for that he was rewarded quadrupled for his faithfulness and obedience.
After admitting and being sorry to a whole list of things I feel all clean. I feel like a bride - whose so incrediably happy with her husband. And ever since Ive entered into this somewhat unfamiliar business called celibacy with boundaries. Its been interesting. Of course its not totally been tested yet. When that oocurs I hope by then Ive changed a few old attitudes of mine.
Now Im even more piqued. Before, I was of the opinion that there was no man on earth better than the one I just left. And as much as he was a lovely fantastic guy (I still think hes awesomely cool) - boy did I put him on a pedestal. An unhealthy one at that. And now, Im wondering, like Job, for being obedient - am I being rewarded with another? Someone who is so way better, it didnt even occur to me that people like that existed? Heres me thinking, after everything I've gone through, who would want me? I couldnt believe it.. Heres someone who just happens to agree with me on practically everything. Is into the same things as me. Is a lot older and gone through more than I but still manages to ask me for advice? Is foreign enough to be deeply facinating yet not to give me headaches over cultural differences (at least not that I know yet anyway lol). Its insane how much I like this person. To the point where its worrying. Ive told myself not to get excited yet I am. Im still waiting for those flaws to come out. No one is THAT perfect. I think before December rolls around I will have lost my mind.
In the meantime though, I'll just do my best to enjoy the time Ive got here to myself and work on me :D

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Home at last (for a while anyway)

Its been a while since I last wrote,

In all honesty I was seriously getting weary of Dunedin and those in it. I finished my paper which I cant bring myself to predict what grade I'll get as the last time I did that I got the opposite mark of what I thought so Im keeping my thoughts to myself. All I say is - I hope I passed. If I fail Im definitely out, and I'll have no idea what I'll do but I'll have to see what my grade is first.

Work has been bit of a nightmare. I work in the only McDonalds outside of the student campus, therefore itis the McDonalds all the parents and kiddies go to. So instead of having abusive drunks to serve, I have paranoid, manipulative middle class mums who insist on bring their child with a thousand allergy requirements and then demanding why do we not have gluten free bread buns etc etc. I want to shout at these immensely stupid people "why the hell do you come here?!, This is McDonalds for crying out loud!!" We do not have the same standards as a 5 star french restaurant and I think people forget this. In fact,I've always wondered why the tv show target never does a bacteria test of something on the place, and hasent anyone seen "Supersize me"?

On the other side, on most nights I genuinely enjoy the work. It keeps me busy and its not repetitive. I have two supervisors I like a lot and a lot of other supervisor who (to put nicely) make comments crop to my mind that I try to keep to myself.

Another thing I've noticed which is the same in any minimum wage job is that the people who have been there the longest are institutionalised with the work. Ive seen this in supermarkets and other places as well. There are some people at work who I get the feeling are heading towards an early heart attack. I mean - its a normal thing to yell like gordan ramsay people who arent fast enough or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, but I get yelled at because I happen to be scooping chips in the WRONG HAND therefore Im doing it completely wrong which deserves to be yelled at next to my ear. In my head I am saying to them "Get a fucking life will you?!!" I am good at my job and proud of it, so when I get yelled at by someone to get ice and I say back "I've already done it!" They pause for a moment to say "well you havent stocked up on burger containers!" and I shout back "thats not my job, thats prep", they say back, "I dont give shit, just go get them"
A couple of days pass by and when its quiet and ive done all my jobs like stocking up, I notice prep is down on some containers so I got off to get some for them. A manager sees me and says "what the hell are you doing?" when i tell them, they say "thats not your job - go do your own!"
WELL HELLO?!! Go tell that to the other stupid manager the other day whose addicted to yelling at me! you see where Im comming from?
The other day I nearly broke down - either to punch someone or just cry. It was horendously busy as most Saturaday nights go so you needs to have your wits about you. Im getting yelled more than usual tonight again for the stupidest things that are out of my control, like drive through stealing my burgers when my customer has waited for 15 minutes. I contront them and say, no offense but my customer has been waiting bloody ages for that and you just took it - they say "thats your fault". Im sorry, ITS MY FAULT?!! The customer heard what the drive through person says and yells at me then demands free stuff and then says to me, I'm going to my table and you can bring me my order. I tell her "Im sorry ma'am, but I cant do that as theres other people to serve and its too busy." She then says "you guys are the most fucking worst place ever" - AND she SPITS on me. I nearly lose control this point as I am highly embarressed and trying so hard not to publically cry while at the same time I want to return the favour and spit back at her. I tell themanager in charge that I got spit on and that Im clearly upset and they say "I dont care get on with your work." I nearly walk out. I go back to serve and the next customer whispers to me "that lady was horrible, your doing great dear, hold on there we know your doing your best." I swear, that random lady who said that to me deserves a noble peace prize for thwarting my plans for world war 3 and bring my heart rate down. God bless her.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


Im currently reading a fantastic book called "Better Off" by Eric Brende. Its about an American bloke who after doing the usual tertiary study on the effects of electricity on humans (or technology in general), decides to embark on a wee experimental adventure (without funding) on living without electricity for 18 months.

So after randomly meeting an Amish bloke at a intercity bus depot and enquiring how might a non Amish person do the non technology sort of thing, Brende and his new wife moved to live in a community dubbed by Brende as the Minimites. A small community made up of people mainly from other Amish communities but also astonishingly enough, a few past city slickers so sick of the side effects of pollution, television and mcdonalds that they've full heartedly entered themselves into this lifestyle. The author pretty much created the word Minimites with the words Mennomites (what some Amish call themselves) and Minimalists = people who believe communal hardwork and fellowship is in fact a cool thing (I tend to agree).

One point to make is that Brende is not saying technology is awful, only his message is about doses and levels of technology in moderacy. His experiences and thoughtful insight will make you question whether or not that brand new state of the art washing machine you just bought really is time saving or is it just another machine that your family culture circulates around with a manual that gives you double the stress compared to the more"old fashioned" simple machines.

Reading this book was inspirational and made me want to go outside in the dreary Dunedin cold to create a mini farm in my backyard it also made me want to chuck my television out the window but after a while I thought - better just turn it off at the wall.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Crazy Dreams

Theres something thats been on my mind for quite a while and only recently, have I actively decided I wanted to do this:
Write a book.

My logical self screams "Why should I even bother??!!"
My gut tells me its a fantastic idea.

I want to write a book that is part memoir part self help. As a Christian and a survivor of domestic abuse, I feel like I've got a story to tell and an urge to assist those out there who are trapped in abusive relationships and/or marriages. It has also come to my attention how much of a controversial topic this is in the church.
The man who abused my family and myself claimed to be a "God fearing man." He didnt go to church but boy did he use christian doctrine to condone what he did. And everyone outside of my family fell for it especially my own church family. When I bravely asked for my pastor for a place to stay he said no and said he didnt want to cause trouble with the man in question by "butting in on family matters." To this day I am appalled at the lack of support for my family which was all fuelled by fear.
I have a strong feeling that there are others out there who are experiencing this. I also want to aim this book at those who have commited their lives to Christ, but find that they are being persecuted by their spouses for their new choices. I want this book to help people identify abuse especially emotional abuse tactics that most of the time only victims recognise. I want in the book to have resources available to people who want help but dont know hwere to go.

And lastly, I am sick to death of the stigma that is attached to divorced women who want to go to church. People need to wake up to this and bring this discussion upfront. Im am sick of the ignorant and stupid ideas by people who have no experience whatsoever in the matter of abuse who say

"why dont they get out?", "why would any self respecting woman stay with a man like that?" "abuse only happens in poor neighborhoods.." blah blah blah.

Right now, my heart absolutely cries out for that lone beaten woman and for all those children in the past have been abused by family members but where the doctors were too late to save them.

And most of all, my heart cries out to all communities and its members who think "Its not my problem" or "I dont want to cause trouble" or "even though her husband beat her up for over 10 years shes commiting a big sin by divorcing him..."

I feel like this angry passion for this topic is boiling up within myself and I want to explode.

In order for this book to be a decent piece of work, I predict it will take me years to do this. Plus it wouldnt be too bad to have a few years as an occupational therapist under my belt. See the real effects of abuse first hand etc. But, by that stage my memory will be a bit fuzzy, so Im writing my memories of those painful events even now as I write this. I'll do some research in my next holidays though as Im currently quite busy with study.

Is this a crazy dream? Has anyone ever bought up this topic before? (abuse, divorce & church)

Monday, May 25, 2009


Lately, Ive been noticing a change in my habit of listening to music/radio in my bedroom or car.

In the past, Ive set my stereo as an alarm clock so that it automatically turns on at 7am every weekday. It has been playing the same radio station since my first year in highschool (Im now 20 years old). My reasons for keeping it on this particular radio (which shall remain nameless) have been because its Breakfast Show gives me a few good ol laughs and also the fact that I've won 500 dollars off this show and other prizes are why I've kept reasonably loyal to it.

However, since the start of the year and probably due to my lack of having to wake up early for 8am lectures anymore, I've had it off quite a lot of time off. When I do wakeup, Im often too busy (dealing with the freezing Dunedin cold) to listen to it or I wake up after the breakfast show is finished.
Ive also come to the realisation that I really despise music from this decade. Not all of it - but most of it. Ive been spending more and more of my huge free time reading my bible and learning lots. Its a bit lonely sometimes as I live on the other side of town from campus but I have been thoroughly enjoying the benefits. I havent particularly prayed for this out loud or anything but to me it seems as if God has extended my gift of discernment over to music as well. So when Im driving to and from campus I like to have a bit of background noise in my car (as you do sometimes). My car radio is permanently tuned to a station that plays popular pop music with themes like dress up like a chicken to win freebies. One of the things I like about this radio station is that it randomly plays songs from the 80's and 90's. And when a song comes on with lurid lyrics or themes etc its like I get an instant migraine. For example "The Fear" by Lily Allen. I dont know her, I dont know her personality, but seriously where in that brain of hers does she come up with lyrics like that?!

"I want to be rich and I want lots of money. I dont care about clever I dont care about funny. I want loads of clothes and f***loads of diamonds. I heard people die while they are trying to find them. I`ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless. Cos everyone knows thats how you get famous. I`ll look at the sun and I`ll look in the mirror. Im on the right track yeah Im on to a winner.
I dont know whats right and whats real anymore. I dont know how Im meant to feel anymore. When we think it will all become clear, Cos Im being taken over by The Fear. Lifes about film stars and less about mothers. Its all about fast cars and cussing each other. But it doesnt matter cause Im packing plastic, and thats what makes my life so f***ing fantastic..."

You know, lots of people I'm sure will say its all innocent lalala. But I'll tell you what, young kids who dont understand the message of this song will still memorise the lyrics which will be soaked in like a sponge, til it can be used later on (I would know, I can still remember those embarressing Spice Girl lyrics from my girlhood).

The fact is, is that I still turn the radio on in the hopes that they might play a U2 classic or a nice song by the Fugees or something.
I said out loud in the car the other day "The next time I hear that/those stupid song/s Im gonna turn it off for about 3 mins and pray about stuff that Im grateful for."

Tell you what, my little trick is working. Its also helping my to tone my language down, though Im not perfect in that little area.


Whatever happened to REAL Rhythm and Blues aye? Not this downgrading too fast trash their playing these days. Man... I sound like my grandfather lol.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I miss OT *sigh

The sad thing about doing only two papers this year is that I feel Im getting rusty with my passion for Occupational therapy. To think I fought the biggest fight of my life (so far) which had physical, emotional and spiritual repercussions in order to even get provisional entry in the degree course down here in Otago Polytechnic then to be accepted was the greatest accomplishment Ive ever done after the hellhole of 2006. Like the Shawshank Redemption - I had to go through a dark and terrifying tunnel of shit before I could come out clean.
First year in Dunedin was wonderful - no wait, it was the most beautiful liberation ever. Although I moved away from my mother and boyfriend, I had to do it for my own growth. The papers were interesting. Some extraodinarily difficult ie kinesiology paper and a few others but most were facinating and I got good marks.

Second year was another growth period. I started flatting for the first time. Good and bad times came out of that. But it was fast paced at polytech. The third years and lecturers warned us that it was going to be our toughest year. two one month placements in the middle of each semester as well as the workload that comes with doing 7 papers no one person could not handle without at least one emotional breakdown. Quite obviously this happened to me, while becoming a social recluse and doing too many frequent allnighters which resulted in me developing insomnia at night and hysteria during the day. Not a pretty sight...
So many people dropped out that year.

Amazingly I passed all of my papers save for one which I did so bad, the marker told me it was the worst mark she'd ever given in that one paper. Pretty shameful I know, though at the time I was more concerned about my emotional state and I allowed that remark to go over me like water off a ducks back - which incidently was thrown back at me at new years.
The second semester of last year was a mixed bonfire of warmth and hell as well. I was redoing a 1st year reflections paper that I failed only by 2% then later misread the reassessment requirements (the word "doh!" is appropriate here). So all in all I was working full time at a neuro rehab clinic in auckland while doing 8 full time papers. But I organised my time much better this time and by the time I got back to dunedin my refection paper was half way done and I was much more prepared for my practical exams.

Weird thing is is that my grades did not correlate with the work I put in. My 1st paper (or so I thought) was bloody good. After all I'd read the reading material and two qualified OTs helped me with ideas and such. I handed that paper in actually believing it was A- material.
By the time was over and the summer holidays began I started to worry about that paper. I got my marks back from all but that one paper and passed. Weird thing is is that I got all A's for the papers I did only an average amount of study to and got C- for the papers I put my blood sweat and tears into. Weird..

On the day of my birthday dinner with my boyfriend, after recieving no news whatsoever about the paper I had redone, I recieved a very abrupt letter from one of my lecterers stating my expulsion from the degree course because of my second failure in that paper. Later on that evening, my boyfriend was cheated over 500 dollars for a bottle of wine he did not intend to buy and out of grief over the letter and our hard earnt holiday money being forcefully spent on a 12 year old bottle of red - I drank only half a glass of the stuff and later on had a five day hangover as well as food poisoning. My mum rechons that my stress reaction to the letter then drinking a glass of good quality blackmailed wine would definitely have propelled anyone the urge to cry and vomit continuously for five days.

A week after that, I became angry. VERY angry. Being a christian I believed with all my heart from the age of 14 that God had chosen my career as an occupational therapist. I wasnt as intellectually brilliant at OT compared my teachers at highschool choice for me of doing a Masters degree in History (which I still happily study as a hobby), but I was passionate about OT. I love how I've grown professionally over the past two years - I love studying the theory and then going out into practice with real clients and actually seeing the results of my study in others. I have loved the feeling of servitude and going home after work and feeling happy and content and feeling as if I was a part of making the world a better place. Not to mention the more I learnt about the profession of OT the more glad I was that I chose to do it instead of doing History. As my mum told me this year - In this day and age of recession, there is always a need for OTs to be employed and I would never have any trouble finding a job compared to having a Phd in History and not knowing what to do with it after graduation.

I fought tooth and nail to be let back in and after finding out I'd only be allowed to do the two papers I previously failed this year I drove all the way to Moeraki Boulders to cry my eyes out (I was still just a tad angry).

Well now its May '09. And truth be told Im glad to have had the chance to have a break. Im sleeping like Ive never slept before, I have the energy to actually exercise and am actually earning money for my last placements next year so I dont have to add more to my debt. Im socialising more and enjoying church and spiritual growth much more than I ever hoped. And now that the second half of the semester is up and running again, Im looking forward to learning OT again. I miss the bulk learning, but Im also certainly enjoying my flexible timetable and am relishing in it. By February next year I will be refreshed and ready to finish my last year of study. Goodness knows how much Ive put into it.

I love OT !!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I havent been in for a while quite frankly - been having a good time on holiday with my family and boyfriend in Christchurch. Man I miss them already.

This month is going to be a busy one for me and Ive made a few "resolution" type goals.
The week before I went away I bumped into an old acqaintance at the mall and the first thing she said was "cripes Melody you've put on weight!!" How embarressing was the fact that she was right? Didnt stop me from being annoyed though - she couldve been a bit nicer about it. So Ive decided to not lose weight but get fit somehow. I rechon going to the gym just to lose weight doesnt work because a. we've all tried doing it and then b. when we reach our goal we stop and later we we put on the weight again we wonder what went wrong. I always think back to my last year at highschool where I went cycling for 2 hours four days a week. Why did I do that - well quite simply it was part of an assignment I had to do for PE. A bit like a training program which I had to write a big paper on at the end about the process and results.

I need to do something like that again. Bit harder outside of highschool though. I cant really be bothered in doing a paper in personal training. Ive got a secret though - Id really love to get into dancing. Dunno what kind. Only problem is money, time and lack of a partner. Mind you after writing that sentence I feel like saying screw those excuses. I'll look around.

The second goal is to give tithing a go. I know I should do it every week but come Sunday I usually dont have a lot of money anyway and/or I never actually carry cash on me. So Ive decided for two months Im going to give exactly 10% of everything I earn to church. I dont doubt that this is going to be hard. but I enjoy poverty most days and Ive just been on a bit of a spending spree while on holiday so I probably could do with some discipline. Im also doing it because I want to see and hear Gods response to what Im doing - souns a bit selfish I know but I just want to try it out. And Ive promised myself to take 10% out every payday and keep it safe til Sunday. Be interesting to see what blessings I may get in return.

My third goal is a bigger dillema to me than losing weight or tithing, and it sounds so stupid. Next year is my third and final year doing OT before I graduate and go out as a therapist. Only thing is - in order to register as an OT you need to have completed a portfolio. And mine is a mess. Ive got an entire year to sort up OT loose ends - and this is one of them. But I have no idea how to start. The majority of my screwups in my portfolio were done in 1st year (two years ago!!) I dont know how to fix up the mistakes I made as I wrote about stuff I no longer remember very well. Plus in 1st year I didnt have the faintest idea as to how to maintain a portfolio. And I feel really stupid about it as everyone else seems to have it sorted. Im ashamed to ask for help because of that and Im scared of asking for help because in my opinion, I dont think I could fare well with showing a lecturer my very messed up portfolio - I can imagine the look on their face - nor to a third year student as I know their all quite busy not to mention the most competitive bunch Ive ever studied with. I know this because when I did ask for help or direction I was bluntly turned down - they all hate sharing ideas unless its an enforced group paper.

Im getting frustrated just thinking about it.

I suppose theres not much to do except pray about it..

OOH Speaking of prayer, I had a big one answered the other day!
Sometimes I go to prayer meetings before church and we usually always pray for things we want at a community or national level and I remember someone praying for the haphazard north dunedin area (as you do) and about making couch burning illegal or something etc etc. I thought this was being prayed for from the wrong direction.
I personally dont see much "evilness" in couch burning as its been going on for decades. I voiced this and said that its not the couch burning thats the problem its the equation of:

alcohol (lets say woodstock and bourbon) + a random lighter + old smelly bacteria filled old couch

Burning said gross couch in the middle of a dunedin winter = fun


Those said burners with tummys of woodstock = extreme stupidity and increase in chance of ambulance needed.

The problem here of course is the alcohol. And WHO are the most frequent drinkers in north dunedin? Freshies of course (add a few 2nd years as well).
At this point I say out loud - GOD BLESS GEOFFREY PALMER!!

New Zealands ex prime minister who has convinced quite a few MPs of his new anti drinking ideas. Namely speaking raising the drinking age to 20.
20 years old is good. It cuts outs on 15-17 year olds getting their hands on alcohol from their 18 year old peers.
18-19 year olds however will probably still be able to get their hands on some speights as they'd probably know a 20 year old. But the cops would have the law on their side and those caught with alcohol would be punishable by the adult courts system not the youth court.

I am a christian and I drink. Im not ashamed of it either as Ive been taught by my mother to drink responsibly. So too did Jesus. Funny that.

But if these new law changes go through I think it would do a lot of good in preventing alcohol usage in teenagers. I think a lot of scarfies would agree with me that highschoolers are a pain in the butt to have in bars and with these changes couch burning would go back to the way it used to be - fun with marshmallows and "safer."
I hope this time round with a conservative government in power this might actually go through successfully.


Thursday, April 16, 2009

Shopping: Spiritual Warfare vs A need to keep women sane?

So I got paid quite a bit this week - mainly for doing time and a half over the easter weekend, though because my clocking in and out was a bit munted up last week so I suspect Im not getting all I deserve.
Well, anyway I felt I really needed a new jersey - preferably red as the one I currently have is falling apart at the seams because I wear it all the time. So on payday I went into town and headed into Shanton, which incidently is a fantastic store with trends that are consistently ok to wear. Compared to the horrendous things you see in Supre and Glassons these days. Plus they have sale racks out the back which have a lot of tops and jerseys priced 50% off. I didnt find a jersey but instead I found a really classy top with the empire waist I so dearly love that was marked 60% off. I got it for 15 bucks - what a bargain.

It looks a bit like this but its a black and white pattern made of chiffon:

Next I thought, hell, lets check out Glassons (while ignoring the cheap 80's designs) and see what they have and I found my red jersey! Well its more of a coat, but its made of the same material as a hoodie which it practically is except for the longer length. Its classy but you can also wear it with jeans and normal top underneath as I am right now, plus its really warm to wear. This coat was the other day $60 but when I went in it was sold to me for $40 - SWEET!!

The next thing I did still makes me feel a bit guilty as my boyfriend would call this irresponsible shopping, and he is quite right. But oh lord, when was the last time I had nice presentable clothes that made me look professionally respectable and NOT like a student living under the poverty line. I went into a store that really only attracts rich women over the age of 30. I went into Jaqui. E. Actually let me rephrase, first I stood outside the store for ten minutes staring at this awesomely classy top that was on display:

The one that I was drooling over, wasnt this colour but was more of a peachy white hue and it was displayed on a manequin with a simple black trousers. It looked stunning. Simplicity is what gets my eye - but it was obvious to me that this top was very good quality merino and was undoubtedley going to have an expensive price tag. I can see it now - Cody shaking his head in laughter thinking, oh shes so predictable... Im imagining him rolling his eyes while imagining me going "Oooh! look at that!!" and going off path.
Yeah yeah yeah, I went in. Asked the price. $90 (oucheee). And I ask those five magical words: "Can I try it on?" Heres Cody going "oh god, shes in too deep now!"
You know what my main thought was while trying on this top. Ooh mum is soo going to approve of this top! So much she'll wish she owned it! Theres a sinful thought - right there! God forgive me.
Well, the store owner said it was 20% off and if I applied for a free VIP card Id get a further 20% off. Well, why not? But me trying to be sensible - I still put it on layby as I had a lot of other things to pay for like board food and petrol - which I didnt think off til I left the shop. And altimately I came up a bit short. But dont worry - thats been fixed by the wonderful institution of studylink!

A few of my female friends think I did good - considering I got all these items marked down by a substantial amount. But I still feel slightly guilty as Im used to being in the mindspace that I dont deserve nice new clothes. But I think thats a psychological complex from my childhood and the way I was raised. And also, Ive taught myself that God provides all we need - and I got the very obvious prod that I didnt neccesarily need these things as it would encourage pride of myself and envy from others and would make me want more.

But at the end of the day, I think of the Patriarchs Abraham, Issac and Jacob. Men who were on Canaans millionaire list back in the day. They were so rich (riches given by god of course) that kings feared them. I think the lesson here is that I need to be even MORE mindful of how I spend not when Im poor but when Im "rich". And to remember that money is a frequent traveler (it always comes and goes). When we get a lot of money, we're so tempted to spend it in clothes etc which we believe we deserve for our hard work. Which I honestly believe is fair enough. But the clothes etc should ONLY be seen as a side bonus not as the goal for which the money is earnt.
I hope that doesnt sound to preachy. But Im always amazed at how God provides for me and that he does care about what we like.
Why last year on placement in Auckland I was nagged by my medical superiors to own a pair of nice shoes so clients would respect me more as a professional and not an inexperienced scarfie. They had a point, but I told them I couldnt afford any and that was that. Not that they didnt stop nagging me. I told my host mum about it and she said why dont you ask your Dad (she means God) for a pair. I thought that response was really rediculous, I mean to me poverty builds character and if old folks didnt respect me because of my appearance then I was quite happy to prove them wrong in my experience as an under graduate therapist.
But lo and behold, someone from church found out my predicament and handed me a new pair of shoes that they bought but then couldnt wear for some reason. Later that same day I went into Hannahs with my host family and the manager pulls out a pair of beautiful winter boots that fitted me perfectly (considering Ive got slightly mismatched feet) and cost the exact amount of money that I had spare in my wallet.
Coincidence? I think not!!

Alright I'm going to head off now, adios and God Bless!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Awesome article

Hey all you silent readers!

Read this awesome article of two nice guys from the States and what their doing.
WARNING - Potential warm fuzzies ahead!,0,6849324.story

Camp, God Gifts & Co.

So I went to 'Launch Camp' last weekend. It was the most awesome camp I'd ever been to personally, and I grew a lot and had a lot of fun as well. Ever since I've come home (to Dunedin), I've had so many questions and answers in my head. My questions were based on a revelation I had over myself about my abilities (helped by others too), and then understanding the reason for my 'talkativeness' through life. And with the answers I was like, ok now how do I use them in my life and church? The minute I figured out I'd recieved spiritual speaking gifts my mind went "whoosh..." of all the evidence I had over the course of my life to back them up. Which I cant be bothered typing out but if you want to know ask me in person. At camp when we were in prayer time I was filled with the holy spirit and I was told - yep, you're gonna be using your talking for ministry. At the time (being all confident in Gods plan) I said - great! when do I start? ...... This year.

Well, now Im back in Dunners, back to work etc. Im reading my bible like crazy and praying like mad but I'm now going through this phase I'll call "Having a Moses moment." Where Im starting to think WHAT??!! I don't think Im the right person to be involved with ministry. Im not the most moral christian in the world - why this morning I accidently let out a R13 curse word at the lady who ignored my indicating and stole my car park at a busy campus. Last night, I laughed my head off at a highly innappropriate song by Flight of the Concords regarding men and bumholes. And last night during a prayer meeting, someone was praying for a ban on couch burning and I whispered out aloud, "whats wrong with safe couch burning? Its almost a fun neccessity in winter. More like increasing the drinking age back to 21." Some people laughed, though Im sure the under 21 year olds didnt appreciate that.

See what I mean? But immediately I got a retort back from God saying ha! Look at Jonah, Moses and Rahab. And Im like alright ALRIGHT! No ones perfect. And I seriously am trying to be a good daughter. Ive been pretty good this week in relation to trusting him with money and food - being broke and all. Eating soup and frozen veges 3 times a day for a week was interesting...

Another answer I got at camp was mentoring. Mainly for me, though Im prepared to mentor if God puts the right person in front of me. I really want to meet some old folks from church but the thing with groups at church is that they're all very segregated. A pain in the butt really, but theres a ladys night out thingee being run by church at Nanking Palace in a few weeks and I thought great opportunity! I dont have the money but thats ok - Can you help me find 21 bucks Dad? Cheers) But last night practically everyone at life group said they wouldnt go - whining about the 21$ cost and how they wanted something cool like 4wdriving instead like what the boys had. Now hearing stuff like that gets me into a verbal rampage especially when they all verbally agreed that getting a mentor would be cool. HELLO??!! Ladys night out - awesomely older people to meet - eating awesome chinese food at (what Ive heard to be) at a nice restaurant??!! Why cant people draw the dots together for crying out loud?

I may be a sinner. But I say sorry, and I think that entitles me to use my god gifts of speaking encouragement to those who are using terrible negative excuses against Gods way of giving to our needs of serving one another in a fun environment. Some people dont know a good thing in front of them even if it dances naked in a tea cozy in front of them. (No, thankYOU JK Rowling for that wee gem)

Im seriously considering giving a 30second lecture about it, this comming Sunday service and Im scared off my tosh.

These are my two God gifts Im 95% sure Ive got. (Still need to work on interpreting tongues). If you want to look up yours the website is below. And for more info on how to use them I really recommend you read 1 Corinthians in your bible.


Encouragement (Speaking Gift) - The special ability God gives some to offer comfort, words of encouragement, hope, and reassurance to discouraged, weak, or troubled Christians in such a way that they are consoled.
People with this gift:
- come to the side of those who are discouraged to reassure them and give them hope
- emphasize God's promises and confidence in his will.

Romans 12:6-8
Titus 1:9
Acts 11:23-24
Acts 14:21-22
1 Thessalonians 2:11-12
1 Thessalonians 5:9-11

Tongues (speaking & interpreting)

Tongues (speaking) - The special ability God gives to some to speak prayer or praise in a language they have never learned or to communicate a message from God to His people. The special ability God gives to some to speak in a language not previously learned so unbelievers can hear God's message in their own language.

Tongues (interpreting) - The special ability God gives to some translate the message of one who speaks in tongues.

If tongues is spoken without an interpretation, the speaker is edified. If tongues is interpreted, it is for the edification of the church body.

People with this gift:
- may receive a spontaneous message from God which is made known to His body through the gift of interpretation
- may interpret a message from the Holy Spirit through someone else speaking in tongues
- communicate a message given by God for the church (if there is someone to interpret)
- speak in a language they have never learned and do not understand
- worship the Lord with unknown words too deep for the mind to comprehend
- experience an intimacy with God which inspires them to serve and edify others
- speak in tongues as a private prayer language
- when used in a group setting, an interpretation must take place, or else the one speaking tongues should remain silent.

1 Corinthians 12:7-11
1 Corinthians 12:28-31
1 Corinthians 14:1-40
Acts 2:1-12
Acts 10:44-46
Acts 19:1-7
Mark 16:17
Romans 8:26-27
1 Corinthians 13:1

(courtesy of

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Update on the money situation -

Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Truth be told my mum gave me the funds. I know not very exciting but hey, use what sources are given to you.

Gotta go to camp now :D

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Game of the Royal Way

I bet anyone who reads the above title is wondering "what the..?"
Its not really a game - its more like this test of faith experiment this guy called Brother Andrew did in the fifties when he was a poor student at a non funded missionary school in Glasgow. Heres a link to his story
So anyway, I have this guys autobiography called "Gods Smuggler" and a lot of stuff in the book has been poking me in my heart lately, the main one being obedience to God. Im pretty sure Im not the only christian who does this, but I have a nasty habit of listening to Gods advice (which Im lucky to hear loud and clear most days), and ignoring it with my own plan which I think is ultimately better. I know I know, how stupid can I get!? I have been snubbing my one true parent who knows me better than anyone and knows how things will turn out far better than I do. Its not always been like this. In my teens I was a pretty decent soldier in Gods army. I didnt evangelise or do impressive sermons etc but I did have incrediable trust and faith in God which has worn off somewhat now that Im not suffering in a Job like manner besides other things.

So anyway, back to my main point. Im comming back slowly and while doing this Im trying to figure out what God wants for me this year. So when I wrote my goals for this year in a recent post I made a kind of contract about socialising more which Im getting a definite thumbs up from God - but as Pastor Paul told us last week - contracts with God often have smallprint that we humans dont bother reading. Well, I figured out this morning what the smallprint was about - obedience.

So heres my story so far this week. Last week I stayed with my family up in Christchurch. In order to do this I left my car on campus down here in Dunedin. Two days ago, on my last day in chch I remembered about my car and started worrying about the potential state it would be in when I got back (this is north Dunedin folks - a cheap but not safe worthy place to keep a car). So I started praying and on the day I traveled back down to Dunedin I made a deal with God and it sounded like this

"Dad, I know it was stupid leaving my car on campus for a week without a steering wheel lock but what Could I have done otherwise at 11am on a Monday? I had no money for a taxi from my house and finding a carpark was enough of a nightmare anyway. The likelihood of my car being towed, nicked, burgled, burnt is overwhelmingly high, SO I'll make this deal with you. If my car is safe and sound where I left it, I will do everything in my power to get myself to this church camp this weekend which I personally dont know if I want to go to. Even though I have two days to make $35 which I dont have and I am also (I think) due to start work this weekend. Thats about it. Amen, cheers."

So I get to Dunedin, and lo and behold! My car is still there untouched after being left for a week on one of the dodgiest streets in North Dunedin. I thought OH MAN!! Now I HAVE to go to this camp!
Freaking out but nevertheless pleased my car was still alive I drove to a bible study meet only to find it wasnt on but was otherwise invited by the occupants of the flat to partake in some eating of ice cream. Does Melody turn down ice cream? NO! :D Plus I got this very distinct feeling that God had his hand all over this weird meeting of random strangers.
Now seeing as I have two days to get 35 bucks and a sleeping bag, the first thing on the agenda I would have done would be to sort out if I could forgo any weekend work I was given - but no....
I was with these nice people chatting about camp when God poked me on the shoulder and said

"Oi ask them if they have a spare sleeping bag, you never know... (chuckle). I mentally poked him back saying Oi yourself, Im gonna look like an arse if I get a sleeping bag then have to return it cos work wont let me off for the weekend, besides why would they give a stranger their sleeping bag when they probably want to use it themselves. God poked me back and said Stop talking dribble and trust me on this. Trust me trust me trust me. I says ALRIGHT alright!! Gawd!! Yes? Oh sorry bad use of a 21st century colloqulism, should really stop saying that. Yes you should."

I bet you know where this is going. Yes I got a sleeping bag - a really good quality one I might add. Back in my car, I sang my favorite worship song. It didnt cross my mind til I got home that cars arent sound proof and I just laughed. And went to bed feeling good that God loved a sinner like me.

Part two of this story, continued on this morning when I was driving to poltech via work. I was having another squabble with God about what to say to work.

"Melody, you will be allowed to go. Yeah sure but I'll get a massive lecture in return for wasting their time on roster scheduling, maybe I should use the 'death of a relative' excuse. Well, daughter thats a pretty low way to go, and should you do it, your camping experience will be tainted by your guilt of how you got there in the first place - by lying. Drat.., Puh puh pleeease, God can you change their hearts about not wanting me to go? If you let them let me go, I promise to put up with whatever they throw at me so long as I can go. I was being a weak sod before, sorry."

The outcome of this made me more gobsmacked than yesterdays sleeping bag issue. My supervisor, who is exactly like my old supermarket supervisor - someone who could make my life at work pretty nightmarish if I pissed her off. I walk up to her and asked to talk about the roster, so she took me out back and what do you know, I dont even have to work on Saturday or Sunday, only Friday. I asked her if I could reschedule that friday shift, she said yeah sure how bout this Saturday?...

The moment of truth....

I uhh.. err.. cant work this weekend cos I have to go away for a church camp.
Oh thats fine, You willing to work Monday instead?

I can still hear God chuckling at me... I feel stupid lol.
Good things happen when you're obedient to God. Now THAT is The Royal Way

PS I'll let all you silent readers know what happens in my God quest to find money tomorrow.


Monday, March 23, 2009

To tai chi or not to tai chi...

My mum dragged me along to her tai chi class tonight. The teacher is a guy I recognise but I couldnt remember his name. Anyway the guy shook my hand and again dragged me to the forefront when I stated I was a spectator and said "nonsense!" As per usual, I immediately felt stupid and embarressed in the first five minutes but I was doing as he said and after a little while I was doing this exercise that reminded me of an ancient mayan sun worshipping/mexicanwave thingee, and I started feeling SO RELAXED. And everytime I bent over my fingertips would get pins and needles which actually felt more nice than annoying. At that moment the teacher says " by now you should feel the energy want to FLOW out of your fingers..." I thought - wow thats quick. But for the majority of it I was frustrated, trying to focus (which Im not good at) and at the same time I was thinking man this is so good for me, I should really do this on a more regular basis.

Thats the thing people have to know about me - I can be the most commited person on any task/ goal I want to achieve if its intellectual. And I expect results consistently. The catch is that my archilles heel is sports. Im a commitment phobe. This is exactly why after nearly three years with my boyfriend, I have never joined up to his kung fu. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE KUNGFU - watching it that is. I absolutely love going along to his classes and watching as well as gradings, tournaments etc. I learn a lot. I enjoy sitting there theorizing as to how people could improve or why exactly they cannot put their foot through a piece of wood. Most of the time I know Im wrong as Cody usually mutters under his breath "...aww hes doin it wrong.. he should be doing it ...."

Anyway, im getting off track. After the lesson, I said to mum "was it the green tea or do I feel perky?" and she said "nah its the class." Plus the teacher was really nice and helpful and he stood in front of me while I was doing this centre of gravity movement thingee and he corrected me and said if I practiced and got good it would help my upper back which over the past two years has quickly gone out of whack from typing long hours. It was easy theory to grasp but in application it was bloody hard.

Plus the fees are cheaper than kung fu...

Its a toughie... Should I do it? My traveling around a lot doesnt help even though theres a chans martial arts all over the north island. Oh I dont know...

Thursday, March 19, 2009

These are the coolest motivational tidbits Ive seen in a long time and I felt loads better reading them:

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hammy vs ?????

I know I said that the Pixar creation of the character Hammy is like discovering the animal version of me but lately its been getting a bit different. Being highly spiritual Ive been asking God what plans he has for me this year. I know what I want this year. Ive had five of the most boriest weeks of doing absolutely NOTHING in Dunedin. Most of the time is spent in my own little isolation of reading, doing jigsaws, sleeping 10 hours every day, driving to polytech just to use the internet where nothing interesting happens on my facebook and the only emails I get are dodgy (but very funny) forwards from my boyfriend in chch and spam.
Ive got a plan of what I want to do this year and its a massive list in this order:
  • Get a much better job than bloody McDonalds
  • Pay off my second overdraft
  • Pay my debtors back ie family
  • Go swimming more
  • Complete my leftover papers at polytech
  • Clean up my OT portfolio
  • Study up on mental health and community placements
  • Become a regular blood donor
  • Go to more church camps
  • Get back in contact with Salmond College friends
  • Get started my charity of cleaning up historical graves started
  • Do some genealogical research
  • Get my full licence
  • Start memorising scripture that I like
  • Join 'Critic's book review team (still a maybe)
I cant think of anymore to be honest. The main point Im trying to get across is that all these activites make me sound like a spoilt sloth and Im being honest in saying I actually do have the time for all of these activities. The reason I havent been doing anything and thus getting depressed is all because of lack of money. It took me ages to actually get a job but I had no idea the process at McDonalds would take SO LONG!!

One of the hardest things in returning to an extra year in Dunedin (a city I dont want to live in), a year of doing a lot of personal activities is reminding me of my lack of friends. Quite frankly I did not see this comming over the past few years. I move around so much that it has been hard to maintain friendships not to mention make friends while working full time at placements around the country while being in an incrediably full on polytech degree course. I had/have my boyfriend and my family. I learnt from experience at highschool that "friends" are an added stressor. And in dunedin its been very hard to find friends who are like me in their spiritual walk. I find it difficult to maintain patience with fellow christians who preach to me the evilness of my relationships and lifestyle. Its highly possible that God does want me to achieve more and work harder at witnessing to those around me, but in my life that is harder than it looks. My family is more lasse faire and run by the "walk the talk" rule, in fact - scripture in my family is a more private thing done only by ourselves for ourselves. The majority of my family hence do not go to church except for myself on a regular basis. This why I have this internal fight with other christians. I agree with them but my life and experience says otherwise. Majority of them were raised in loving sheltered christian 24/7 families. I wasnt at all. My life was like that of the prophet Daniel. All prayer and bible study was done in secret and I despite comming out a better person than before, I definitely had lions den experiences.

But enough about that - what Im trying to get at is how hard this socialising is for me. And Im hoping that with joining a few clubs and whatnot I'll get there.
So at the moment Im feeling more Eeyore than Hammy

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Ive been tagged for a book quiz thingee!

Which book do you irrationally cringe away from reading, despite seeing only positive reviews?
The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I cant BELIEVE that Oprah recommended this book! I admit I could have some bias being a christian but I really do think "thinking positive thoughts to encourage good stuff to happen to you" is a load of shit and the author just wanted to make a quick buck from doing a new age self help book. Some people will believe anything..

If you could bring three characters to life for a social event (afternoon tea, a night of clubbing, perhaps a world cruise), who would they be and what would the event be?
Ron Weaseley because I love his blunt but humorous personality; Hawkeye Bonner for his cool stories and old fashioned logic and Ayla so she could teach me how to skin and cook animals and show me how to do stuff with herbs.

(Borrowing shamelessly from the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde): You are told you can’t die until you read the most boring novel on the planet. While this immortality is great for awhile, eventually you realise it’s past time to die. Which book would you expect to get you a nice grave?
Northhanger Abbey by Jane Austen. It is the only one of her books that I seriously did not enjoy and thought the plot and characters were incrediably boring. I love the other books though. Its just that I found this book a massive disappointment compared to its counterparts.

Which book have you pretended, or at least hinted, that you’ve read, when in fact you’ve been nowhere near it?
War and Peace. Im used to reading classical literature but Ive never actually finished that book - I keep trying though. Its one of those books you cant read in bed and you have to focus which Im no good at at night.

As an addition to the last question, has there been a book that you really thought you had read, only to realise when you read a review about it/go to ‘reread’ it that you haven’t? Which book?
I cant recall this ever happening to me as I remember all books Ive read and definitely which ones I havent.

You’ve been appointed Book Advisor to a VIP (who’s not a big reader). What’s the first book you’d recommend and why? (if you feel like you’d have to know the person, go ahead of personalise the VIP)
Holes by Louis Sachar. Its one of the most fantastic childrens books out there that adults can thoroughly enjoy as well. It has an easy plot and awesome characters and a good ending, plus its not a big read either. Whats not to like?

A good fairy comes and grants you one wish: you will have perfect reading comprehension in the foreign language of your choice. Which language do you go with?
Ooh thats a hard one, either Greek, Hebrew or Latin. I would love to use any of them to read old biblical texts or if I happen to go overseas and explore an old Italian library or something.

A mischievous fairy comes and says that you must choose one book that you will reread once a year for the rest of your life (you can read other books as well). Which book would you pick?
Pride and Prejudice. I read it so often Ive practically memorised it anyway and I never get sick of the storyline

I know that the book blogging community, and its various challenges, have pushed my reading borders. What’s one bookish thing you ‘discovered’ from book blogging (maybe a new genre, or author, or new appreciation for cover art - anything)?
Havent really "discovered" anything new to do with books through blogging to be honest.

That good fairy is back for one final visit. Now, she’s granting you your dream library! Describe it. Is everything leatherbound? Is it full of first edition hardcovers? Pristine trade paperbacks? Perhaps a few favourite authors have inscribed their works?
I picture my library having at least two big bay windows and plenty of light. The biggest want is the majority of the wall space covered in shelving from the floor to the ceiling with a revolving ladder around the whole room. I'd want all my well read or classical books in protective hardcover and have them all by topic then author. Thered be bean bags and nice comfy couches and a harry potterish fireplace and giant paintings of ancestors, famous people I admire.

I won't tag anyone specifically for this, but if you're reading consider yourself tagged.