Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hammy vs ?????

I know I said that the Pixar creation of the character Hammy is like discovering the animal version of me but lately its been getting a bit different. Being highly spiritual Ive been asking God what plans he has for me this year. I know what I want this year. Ive had five of the most boriest weeks of doing absolutely NOTHING in Dunedin. Most of the time is spent in my own little isolation of reading, doing jigsaws, sleeping 10 hours every day, driving to polytech just to use the internet where nothing interesting happens on my facebook and the only emails I get are dodgy (but very funny) forwards from my boyfriend in chch and spam.
Ive got a plan of what I want to do this year and its a massive list in this order:
  • Get a much better job than bloody McDonalds
  • Pay off my second overdraft
  • Pay my debtors back ie family
  • Go swimming more
  • Complete my leftover papers at polytech
  • Clean up my OT portfolio
  • Study up on mental health and community placements
  • Become a regular blood donor
  • Go to more church camps
  • Get back in contact with Salmond College friends
  • Get started my charity of cleaning up historical graves started
  • Do some genealogical research
  • Get my full licence
  • Start memorising scripture that I like
  • Join 'Critic's book review team (still a maybe)
I cant think of anymore to be honest. The main point Im trying to get across is that all these activites make me sound like a spoilt sloth and Im being honest in saying I actually do have the time for all of these activities. The reason I havent been doing anything and thus getting depressed is all because of lack of money. It took me ages to actually get a job but I had no idea the process at McDonalds would take SO LONG!!

One of the hardest things in returning to an extra year in Dunedin (a city I dont want to live in), a year of doing a lot of personal activities is reminding me of my lack of friends. Quite frankly I did not see this comming over the past few years. I move around so much that it has been hard to maintain friendships not to mention make friends while working full time at placements around the country while being in an incrediably full on polytech degree course. I had/have my boyfriend and my family. I learnt from experience at highschool that "friends" are an added stressor. And in dunedin its been very hard to find friends who are like me in their spiritual walk. I find it difficult to maintain patience with fellow christians who preach to me the evilness of my relationships and lifestyle. Its highly possible that God does want me to achieve more and work harder at witnessing to those around me, but in my life that is harder than it looks. My family is more lasse faire and run by the "walk the talk" rule, in fact - scripture in my family is a more private thing done only by ourselves for ourselves. The majority of my family hence do not go to church except for myself on a regular basis. This why I have this internal fight with other christians. I agree with them but my life and experience says otherwise. Majority of them were raised in loving sheltered christian 24/7 families. I wasnt at all. My life was like that of the prophet Daniel. All prayer and bible study was done in secret and I despite comming out a better person than before, I definitely had lions den experiences.

But enough about that - what Im trying to get at is how hard this socialising is for me. And Im hoping that with joining a few clubs and whatnot I'll get there.
So at the moment Im feeling more Eeyore than Hammy

1 comment:

lovelovelove said...

Hey lovedove, found your blog! Check out mine ;) I can kind of relate with the Christian walk thing and not being a Christian Kid from the cradle. Internal battles etc! Life is so hard!